Chris 2010 Viewings #6: Spy Kids 3 - Game Over

I saw this movie before I even had a kid. In theatres! This is one of the more peculiar things I can think of in my movie-going life. The first two Spy Kids pictures have a certain charm but this one is beneath contempt.

Apparently most of the cast from the first two were disinclined to appear so most of the movie is a solo adventure for the youngest of the Spy Kids. He is sent into a Virtual Reality Video Game in order to defeat its creator, the Toymaker, played with an extra helping of ham by Sylvester Stallone. The reason? If the game actually goes online, all of the kids who play it will be - I'm hazy on this part because I wasn't much interested - trapped in the game or brainwashed or something. So basically it's Halloween III territory, with 3D glasses instead of masks.

So Spy Kid engages in unengaging CGI hijinks, occasionally helped out by wheelchair-bound grandpa Ricardo Montalban, who takes advantage of his time in the game to be transformed into a giant robotic badass. Eventually they leave the game and 90% of the cast from the earlier films shows up for a short afternoon's work fighting a giant CGI robot monkey. Then the Toymaker and Mr. Roarke kiss and make up and everyone says "to family" and the audience says "No more Spy Kids motion pictures please" to which Robert Rodriguez said "OK then, here is a movie I call Shark Boy and Lava Girl" and everyone says "Oh for God's sake" until Shark Boy hits puberty and becomes the Twilight werewolf boy and girls swoon and I am no happier.

It is not any more enjoyable in 3-D.