Gen X Video Blog

Creepy Pedro Reviews "Generation X Video"

2011-02-08T20:52:00.002-05:00

I arrived early to Mistress Quickly's tavern and found Dr. Johnson, as anticipated, already arguing and drowning in his cups.

"A theatrical performance can be appreciated only from the height of a man's two eyes!" he was shouting at Quickley's dog. "Your opinions lack stature, in every sense of the word! The day I take seriously the theatrical criticisms of a BEAGLE is the day I deign to piss in the cup of a Scotsman!"

To this the dog expelled a fart so enormous it should have filled the very halls of Pandemonium (if not it had a natural inclination toward ascension), and so gusty that the lamps flared in a dangerous fashion, and so rank of gas that Madame Quickly must have feared for the health of her customers if she were not lost in merriment, cackling wildly, dugs a-heaving, one hand slapping the unfortunate Dr. Johnson's recently-singed peruke.

"Oh dear Samuel!" she whooped. "Put that dog's arse-trumpet i' your dictionary, under the letter BRAPPP! It hath twice the politic of all the Beedle's bollocks you've wrote so far!"

"'That fart was wise indeed," Dr. Johnson admitted. "Mingere cum bumbis, rec saluberrima est lumbis."

"Where be our guest tonight?" I asked the silent tapper, and the he nodded to the tavern door. A man of great distinction stood on the threshold. "Two bags of oats for my mount, and don't forget the sauce!" he yelled to the Hostler. "My mare doth love the sauce!"

"Dearest Pedro!" cried Dr. Johnson, raising his bulk and motioning to Mistress Quickley for another bottle of sack. "You've tarried so, we half expected to find ye lost or slain!"

"Only one of those briefly, and I charge each of you to divine which," he said, and even the Tapper laughed at so clever a jest.

"Lost, I gather! How now, Boswell, this shifty rogue in the sheepskin doublet is weaver Pedro, a man of wit, a master artisan, and the creepiest fellow I have ever had the fortune to meet."

"I have heard of you, slimy toady," said Pedro pleasantly as we shook our hands.

"A weaver you say?"

"Aye, the halls from St. Peter's to far off Araby are graced with my warp and woof."

Mistress Quickly, having arrived with the sack and seeing entry for another fulsome jest, shouted, "A better treat then we experienced not 'alf an hour hence, which were this doggie's FART and woof!" All fell about in that curious British way so often acted in Shakespeare's bawdy "Carry On, Dead King," of holding wide the mouth and turning head from viz to viz, accompanied by a scattershot laughing as loud and regular as Antwerp's artillery fire.

"Mistress!" Dr. Johnson wiped a tear from his eye. "I grant you, though art quick!"

"How could one doubt it...'tis my proper name!" And once again we cackled, as was our comick nature. But throughout the merriment our weaver, Pedro, had been wiping something from his eye, and afore long Dr. Johnson made note of his sad countenance.

"Enough of these quibbles. Pedro, what troubles you? Why the creepy frowning viz?"

Pedro shook off Dr. Johnson's embrace and rose from the table, commanding the attention of all in the tavern. "I mourn the death of an idea, a dream, the final passing of culture, the end of the most companiable banter on our old and noble isle...the closing of our beloved entertainment vendor, Generation X!" Pedro collapsed to the table and sobbed, schoolgirl-like, into his sack.

"Have you not grown reconciled, dear Pedro?" asked Dr. Johnson. "It has been sad for us, true, but 'tis no reason to cry in your drink. For everything there is a season and an allotted time. Even the jolliest of men shall die before he wish. May we all go in the manner of Generation X -- in our hearty primes -- before we descend into ignominity and penury, our metaphorical halls and stages used only for wenching and bear-baiting and games of 'Throw The Apple at The Captured Esquimaux.'"

"Oh, the porn, which I so craved..."

"Man can live without porn, and without arty foreign films too. I have explained all this to Boswell."

"Mr. Johnson is right," I said. "There is peer-to-peer file sharing."

"Pah!" said Pedro. "Barely 300 baud in my wattle-and-daub hut so far from the city. It's trouble enough for a man to play a full game of Hunt The Wumpus or Schmoo, let alone to download the entirety of 'Michael Palin's Dugs-a-Plenty' in high definition."

"Patience, Pedro...drink of my sack."

"And where will I see YOUR films?" cried Pedro. "This latest--"

Dr. Johnson slapped his brainpan, sending his peruke into the fire. "Blast it man, I told you, I am not that blackamoor actor you prate upon!"

"Snakes On An Omnibus, Dr. Johnson! 'Twas your finest role! Ever since I first set my viz 'pon the premiere performance of Pulp Fiction at the Globe--"

"I have said time and time again--"

"Three encores! And John Travolta dancing!"

"Enough!" Dr. Johnson bellowed, and the babble of anachronistic cross-generational dialect ceased. "My peruke is in flames once again, Pedro, as is so often the way when we meet. I will trade all the porn in the world if you will stop this tiresome contrivance of mistaken identity."

"I shall consent, Dr. Johnson, if only you would enact a bitter moment from 'Do the Right Thing.'"

At this the enraged Doctor lurched into the thousand ticks and vapours to which he was subject in times of distress. "A turd i' your teeth!" he shouted. "Johnny Bums in Scratchland!"

Pedro rose from his seat. "Gentlemen, it has been a pleasure, but I must be off...Generation X is disclosing its wares and I must secure 'Michael Palin's Arsey-Turvy' before it is gone. You will excuse me." I tilted my hat, and Dr. Johnson, unable to cease his strange hopping perambulations, merely scowled from beneath his armpits.

"Let's rob a carriage and dominate a play!" shouted the fat knight in the corner, but for once nobody was listening to him.

Mike D Watches a Movie #3: The Human Centipede

2011-01-26T17:55:00.003-05:00

Yup, I finally got around to watching this one. Not that I didn't want to see it, just that with the amount of hype surrounding this movie, I felt the need to wait until they hype subsided before finally watching it.

That being said, you can't wait as long as I did to watch a movie with as much hype around it without hearing about it. By the time I finally watched The Human Centipede, I already knew what seemed like a large chunk of the plot, so there wasn't a whole lot of the movie that really shocked me.

For those who don't know, the movie follows two American women traveling in Germany who find themselves kidnapped my the Mad Surgeon Dr. Heiter, who surgically connects them, mouth-to-anus with another, male, also kidnapped by Heiter. Heiter attempts to domesticate his new "pet", with obvious results.

I found the movie very predictable, and rather boring. Once you get over the mouth-to-anus bit, there isn't really much else it does to scare the audience. There was one very suspenseful scene, that I felt was done well, when the Centipede tries to make an escape near the end of the movie, but as a whole, it kinda fell from the fairly low expectations I had of it. At several points throughout the movie, I kept wanting to scream at my TV, because the characters kept either making incredibly stupid decisions or weren't making the decisions they should have. For example, trying to turn a human centipede made up of 3 people you kidnapped and surgically connected against their will, that's a stupid decision; *spoiler alert* slitting your throat with a shard of glass instead of a)killing said mad scientist with it and/or b)cutting yourself free from the centipede, that's just being stupid.

Between the predictability and the stupidity of the characters, I just didn't enjoy the movie, but at the same time, I didn't really expect to enjoy it either.

Maggie's Top 10 Movies of 2010

2011-01-02T11:31:00.006-05:00

I watched just over 300 films last year, though the bulk of them were older numbers, and I didn't get to see certain films around which there is still a tremendous amount of buzz--so before getting indignant about Black Swan and The Social Network not being on this list, didn't see 'em! Sure they're fantastic! Will get around to them in time.

In the meantime, what I did see from this past year was pretty darn awesome:

1. Toy Story 3

An existentialist children's film with shockingly well wrought symbolism and metaphor. 'Nuff said! (Chris said it best anyhow!)

2. A Prophet

Jacques Audiard's stunning treatise on the function of prison in creating hardened criminals. Full review here.

3. The Secret in their Eyes

A tremendously graceful fluidity between past and present marks this Argentinian film about a retired legal counsel's pursuit of a long-unresolved murder investigation. The stylization of this film brings viewers quite unawares to its chillingly conceived resolution. Sadly, I only wrote my review for this film in my head, but I'm sure a couple of the reviews here aren't entirely brain-numbing!

4. My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done?

A lifetime's narratives are condensed in this latest work by Werner Herzog. Full review here.

5. Exit Through the Gift Shop

This documentary follows the man whose compulsion for filming brought him to the world of street art, and Banksy. Or is this film at all what it seems? Full review here.

6. Inception

I gripe a lot about suspension of disbelief being key for my enjoyment of film. Well, Nolan masterfully handles a concept of immense fantasy in a gripping and detail-oriented manner. It doesn't matter that you know where this film is going to take you. It matters that this film makes you more aware of the devices at work in story-formation throughout all contemporary film. Sadly, I didn't get around to reviewing this film at the time, but the internet is abuzz with people still trying to "make sense" of the piece. (Hint: It doesn't need to be analysed to be enjoyed, so if you don't "get" it, you're fine. Relax already.)

7. True Grit

Everything I didn't like about A Serious Man--the intelligently wrought scenes pushing towards an overwrought argument for the absurdity of trying to find meaning in our lives--was honed to a point in this startlingly self-aware western. Again the Coen Brothers prove to be experts, too, at literary adaptation. I don't have the most accessible of reviews for this piece, because it immediately set off the literary critic in me, but I do have a review of sorts here, if you don't mind the academic tone.

8. The Kids Are All Right

This film, following a lesbian couple as their full-grown children seek to reconnect with their biological father, is an eminently familiar "dramedy" with a few expert twists on age-old genre crises. Full, nit-picking review here.

9. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Our abiding desire to find what is good in life amid the hyperbole of modern technology finds a beautiful home in this graphic novel adaptation (set explicitly in Toronto!) about a meek band member and videogame geek who suddenly has to defeat seven evil ex-boyfriends. Playful, sweet, and self-effacing, this film is eminently re-watchable. In fact, I was too busy re-watching it to review it. Sorry!

10. Restrepo

Documenting a combat scenario in which we are currently embroiled is never an easy task, but this effort is impressive. Its approach to foregrounding footage of a year with one platoon stationed on Afghanistan's deadliest front line cannot fail to sober viewers as much as it informs them of the complexities of this unending, unjustified, and un-winnable war. I didn't even know where to begin with a review for this piece, so let me just emphasize that this is a hard, but essential film to watch.

YOUR TURN, FOLKS! What did you watch and enjoy most from 2010?

Wendy's Films of 2010 # 166 - #176: A Rush to Finish 2010's Reviews! - The End!

2010-12-31T11:46:00.003-05:00

#166. The Shop Around the Corner (1940)

Not as much of a Christmas movie as I'd hoped, but I loves me some James Stewart and this was no disappointment.

#167. American Pop (1981)

Neat animated film chronicling the history of pop music throughout the 20th century by following the descendants of one immigrant boy. There's one portion of the film (or one character, I should say) that's hard to like, but such is life.

#168. Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)

A 70s movie from Japan where an alien race attempts to destroy earth with their Mechagodzilla, Godzilla comes to the rescue! Unfortunately a bad scientist has created Titanosaurus and uses him against Godzilla. It's pretty much exactly the way it sounds!

#170. Network (1976)

Was pleasantly surprised by this one; an intriguing drama about a television network: "I'm as mad as hell and I'm going to take this anymore!"

#171. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

I grew up with the 1994 remake of this classic, and boy am I glad I finally saw the original.

#172. TRON: Legacy (2010)

I don't suppose we'll be getting this one in now, but hey! Why not add it to the reviews? I found it provided a good source of entertainment, perhaps a wee bit long though.

#173. Black Swan (2010)

As a wise man named Posen told me today, his three questions of the week are: "How was your Christmas?" "What are you up to for New Years?" and.. "Have you seen Black Swan?!?" I

thought it was the best film of the year, though I haven't seen every one, but it seems to be a wide-spread consensus among those I know.

#174. Chinatown (1974)

Second Faye Dunaway film I watched this week and both were excellent! Jack Nicholson was so good back in the day, I wish he and Robert De Niro would come back to life.

#175. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

I loved Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure growing up, so it was only a matter of time before I had to check this one out. It started off really strangely, but I ended up laughing a fair amount. Also, it references this next movie!

#176. The Seventh Seal (1957)

It almost seems fitting that the last film I saw this year would be this one, especially since GenX will soon be closing. It wasn't done on purpose, I just didn't have the time to watch Throne of Blood before tomorrow night. As such, my last film would be a seemingly bleak one, but one that has hope and a sparkle in its eye. What a wonderful way to end the year.

Wendy's Films of 2010 # 135 - #165: A Rush to Finish 2010's Reviews! - Part 2

2010-12-30T23:00:00.004-05:00

#135. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

A really good adaptation of the graphic novel series, and also by one of my favourite directors Edgar Wright. I loved it, but Hot Fuzz is still my favourite.

#136. Knight and Day (2010)

Not a completely awful film, but I probably wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they were looking

for a completely stereotypical romantic comedy.

#137. I'm Not There (2007)

Really good. I love it when people take a different turn on bio films (like getting six different actors to play Bob Dylan.) Cate Blanchett was definitely my favourite.

#138. Inception (2010)

I saw this at the BFI Imax in London, England! Haha, alright, bragging done. I liked it quite a lot, but not as much as everyone else seemed to.

#139. The Runaways (2010)

All I wanted was to see a film in Cannes, but the only one I could find was in this dingy old theatre showing a movie already out on DVD in Canada. Wasn't bad, I surprisingly liked Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart in it!

#140. The Warriors (1979)

A classic in its own way, but it just didn't quite hit the spot.

#141. MacGruber (2010)

Some great comedic moments, but I don't know if I'd watch it again.

#142 & #145. Sugata Sanshiro (1943) & Sugata Sanshiro: Part 2 (1945)

The first films of Akira Kurosawa (one of my favourite directors) and though it may not be my favourite, it definitely made a good impression. It's about a man who must learn to encompass the attributes of judo not only in practice, but in life. The second film is quite as good as the first, I'd say.

#143. Dracula (1931)

Starring Bela Lugosi as Dracula, this film reeks of being a classic: reeks in a good way, that is.

#144. Repulsion (1965)

Wow, what a good film. It got under my skin and I couldn't shake it off for hours (even days). Catherine Deneuve is stunning.

#146-148. Back to the Future (1985), Back to the Future 2 (1989), Back to the Future 3 (1990)

What a great series. I can't believe I'd never seen them before. I think I liked the first and third ones the most, but they're all pretty awesome.

#149. Zombieland (2009)

A fun zombie themed comedy, good for a laugh.

#150. Rosemary's Baby (1968)

Really good: not recommended for pregnant women. Between this and Repulsion (both part of Polanski's apartment trilogy,) I prefer Repulsion

(and I found it creepier).

#151. Death Kappa (2010)

Pretty much just another Japanese monster film, but one I enjoyed and would recommend to lovers of the Japanese monster film genre.

#152. The Old Grey Whistle Test (1971-1987)

This DVD was a sampling of famous acts that aired on the show throughout its history, really quite a good collection of musicians (John Lennon, Bruce Spingsteen, Tom Waits) and something interesting to listen to if you've got an hour or two to spare.

#153. Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

An older Elvis who wakes up from a coma in a nursing home and must attempt to save the other patrons from a mummy who attacks them nightly. Makes for an interesting concept, no? I didn't go crazy for it, but thought it was neat.

#154. Micmacs (2009)

A great new film by one of my favourite directors Jean-Pierre Jeunet; it has his quirky humour, unique visual style and fun atmosphere.

#155. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

A kind of terrible film, but sort of good in a terrible way. It's pretty much what you'd imagine.

#156. Trick 'r Treat (2007)

A great film to watch on Halloween, though not too scary (which is great for me!)

#157 & #158. Samurai I (1954) & Samurai II (1955)

The first it a pretty good samurai film, but the second made my lose interest and I never ended up watching the third.

#159. Look Around You: Season 1 (2002)

I loved the concept for this series. It's basically all those old science videos you used to watch in school, but completely nonsensical and awesome.

#160. Barton Fink (1991)

Please don't go into this movie thinking it's going to be funny. It's really really good, but it's not really funny.

#161. King Kong (1933)

This really is a classic. I'm really glad I finally got to see it and enjoyed it more than I anticipated!

#162. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

I'd go so far as to say this is my favourite in the series. It just has way better pacing and the story gets a chance to breathe.

#163. Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

I won't lie, I really liked this

movie. The Borg are frightening (I've always found the concept of AI or human/robots to be fear-enducing) and all the usual cast do their part well.

#164. Howl (2010)

An interesting take on the work and life of Allen Ginsberg. It grew on me, I liked the animation, but probably won't watch it again.

#165. Freakazoid: Season 1 (1995-1996)

Just a good old Saturday morning cartoon; I'd forgotten how much I liked this as a kid (the few episodes I'd seen anyway) and I love how self-referential it is!

Wendy's Films of 2010 # 111 - #134: A Rush to Finish 2010's Reviews!

2010-12-29T11:45:00.003-05:00

What with the store closing and all, I decided to take a slightly unconventional turn in an attempt to finish reviewing every new film (new to me, that is) I watched this year. I knew I wouldn't make it writing longer reviews since I have over 60 movies left on the list, but thought that this might at least be fun to read even if it wasn't very descriptive.

#111. True Blood: Season 2 (2009)

My guilty pleasure. Sexy, southern and full of bloodlust; it's like eating a dark, rich dangerously delicious chocolate cake that I just can't get enough of.

#112. Snake in the Eagle's Shadow (1978)

Jackie Chan a school janitor? You bet, but as expected he's soon to become a kick-ass martial artist! Good, but not the best Chan movie I've seen.

#113. Batman: The Movie (1966)

"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." Cheesy, corny, wonderful 1960s fun: "It looks bad, batman. This brassy bird has us buffaloed."

#114. Lifeforce (1985)

A crazy sci-fi, vampire, zombie movie that's bound to blow your mind with it's absurdity, badness and greatness.

#115. Princess Mononoke (1997)

Probably my favourite Hayao Miyazaki film so far. The music, the animation, the colours, and especially the story: everything just blew me away.

#116. Subway (1985)

A neat film directed by Luc Besson and starring a french-speaking Christopher Lambert who roams the subways of Paris while blackmailing the woman he's infatuated with. It's very 80s and kind of strange, but awesome.

#117. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

Really? You need a review? Nah.

#118. Delicatessen (1991)

Colourful, classic Jean-Pierre Jeunet full of funny, sweet, dark and strange moments that are sure to please (if you're like me, that is.)

#119. Super Mario Bros. (1993)

I have no idea how they came up with the ideas they used in this film, but it's pretty fucking crazy and I kinda liked it.

#120. The Ladykillers (2004)

I really enjoyed this one, though that trend is pretty common with

me and the Coens. I'm still not totally sold on Tom Hanks, but hey, he's not so bad.

#121. Twilight: Eclipse (2010)

Unfortunately, it was better than the first.

#122. The Awful Truth (1937)

I love my Cary Grant romances and this is another classic. Perhaps not as wonderful as some of his others, but it seems he really can't go wrong.

#123. Project A-2 (1987)

"But I'm not cooking! So it stays open!" Apparently I thought this Jackie Chan line was so terribly funny that it deserved to be quoted, but I can't for the life of me remember why. I can't even remember what the movie's about. I think he plays a straight cop in a crooked area of town or something...

#124. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

Crazy disgusting slimy ear bugs. Also, it's quite awesome.

#125. The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (2009)

Colourful, nonsensical, neat to watch and Heath Ledger's last film.

#126. Objectified (2009)

Ooo, this documentary was way more boring than I thought it would be. I fell asleep.

#127. Porco Rosso (1992)

Wonderfully detailed, beautifully animated Miyazaki film about a mysterious swine-resembling pilot that takes a begrudging liking to a young girl and the antics that ensue.

#128. An American in Paris (1951)

Charming in a 1950s musical kind of way. Not my favourite old musical, but it'll do.

#129. The Beaches of Agnès (2008)

A lovely film by Agnes Varda about the life she lead, the man she loved and the beautiful films she made.

#130. Freaks and Geeks (1999-2000)

Probably my favourite series of the year (either that or Skins). It's a great, funny, interesting show about high school in the early 80s and I just can't get its lead, Linda Cardellini, out of my head. (Also starring James Franco, Seth Rogan, Jason Segal and directed by Judd Apatow. I know, right?)

#131. The Jerk (1979)

A charming idiot (Steve Martin) somehow ends up alright after leaving his family

#132. Against All Flags (1952)

Errol Flynn. Pirates.

#133. Super Fly (1972)

Pretty good blaxploitation film about a man who wants out of the cocaine dealing business: "Can you dig it?"

#134. Undeclared (2001-2002)

Sort of a continuation of Freaks and Geeks, directed by Apatow, but starring a completely different cast and taking place a few decades later. Also, not quite as good.

Fin de siècle

2010-12-28T16:54:00.000-05:00

To all of our customers:

This day had to happen eventually so we are choosing to do it now. Gen X Video will cease operation on Feb 28^th, 2011 after serving Waterloo Region for 16 years. There are plenty of reasons we are shutting things down but the main one is that we no longer have the passion or drive to keep things going. It has been a fun run but we need to move on to something else.

So what does this mean? We will be starting to sell off our inventory on Jan 1, 2011. If there are titles you are interested in buying, talk to the staff and they will let you know the cost. We will not be doing a fire sale on our product because we know what we can get for them online. That doesn’t mean there won’t be some good deals but you won’t be getting an Out of Print Criterion DVD for $5.00 from us.

We will stop renting movies on Feb 14^th (which seems appropriate). We expect all of our DVDs to be returned to us even though we are shutting down. Late fees will still apply. We do use a collection agency for the ne’er-do-wells who try to avoid paying what is due to us so please don’t make us send you there. We have always been fair over the years and we expect you to treat us in the same way.

If you still have rental credits on your account we suggest you use them quickly. If you would like to exchange your rental credits for store credit (so that you can purchase product instead), please let us know and we will come to an arrangement with you.

Your membership information will remain private with us until we can completely delete everything. We have to keep it on file until all of the taxes have been filed with the government but we promise to destroy the information after we have been given clearance.

Our store hours will be reduced during the sell off period. Check the sign outside the store or call our message at 519-888-4369 to get the new information.

Where can you rent the movies that Gen X carried after we are gone? Well, try Steve’s TV (Frederick St Mall), Far Out Flicks (Queen St in Downtown Kitchener) or the WPL or KPL. None of those sources are a complete replacement but you’ll find something worthwhile to watch. Failing that, use the Internet.

Finally, we appreciate your patronage over the last 16 years. We did not make this decision lightly. We have been considering this for the last 3 years. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for us too. We will miss being part of the Waterloo community. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Sincerely,

Mike Greaves (owner)

Chris Beckett (manager)

New to the Store: Week of 28 December, with built-in contest!

2010-12-28T12:23:00.002-05:00

Adonis Factor, The

American, The

Archer: Season 1

Brotherhood

Eyes Wide Open

Fubar II

Hotel Terminus: The Life and Times of Klaus Barbie

Mesrine, Part 2: Public Enemy Number 1

Resident Evil: Afterlife

United States of Tara, The: Season 2

Wall Street 2: Insert Hilarious Sequel Subtitle Here (submit your suggestion in comments for a good alternate title to Oliver Stone's latest toothless attempt at relevance. our favourite will win a pair of free rentals. deadline... let's say new year's eve.)

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #91: Six-String Samurai (1998)

2010-12-22T17:45:00.003-05:00

Post-apocalyptic wasteland U.S.A, taken over by the Russians! Vegas is one of the only cities left standing, and if you want to make it anywhere, it'll have to be there. But it's tough to get in. Tougher to survive the walk. Our stoic hero is a rockabilly guitar-picker who's decided to make for his fame and fortune.

Packing little beyond his guitar, a torn umbrella to shield himself from the hot desert sun, and a fucking samurai sword to defend himself against Russian raiders, he sets out across the arid land. Oh, and Death is literally after him. Death and a bunch of his evil henchmen. This is a winning concept, but the ultimate result is a little on the underwhelming side. I found myself bored more than once, which usually means that I need a gang to watch the movie with, and some sake.

If you can set up that kind of situation, also be prepared for wretched acting, camp dialogue, breakout gypsy-punk sequences, and sword duels that sometimes manage to be pretty stylish.

So: Could have been the best movie ever, but doesn't too far along that track.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #90: Tron: Legacy (2010)

2010-12-22T16:52:00.009-05:00

Called Legacy to force some kind of dignity onto the project, Disney honestly will not give up on this franchise until people accept it and acknowledge that Disney was right all along, and that Tron is actually really cool.

If I can be outrageously generalising for this one, critics almost unanimously write that Tron: Legacy is pointlessly thin. Thin on plot, thin on character, thin on cultural significance. And half of them end off their reviews by saying that they thought it was pretty cool.

That's pretty much what we've got on our hands with this one - a movie that doesn't go very far to inspire or engage or even give you any thrills you haven't seen before in some shape or form, but is pretty cool, dude. It has its moments of "that technology is absolutely impossible" ridiculousness, and dramatic scenes that try too hard and mostly fall flat, but the overwhelming buzzy neon electro-music-video vibe, when combined with the full might of Daft Punk's original soundtrack, cannot be stopped.

Olivia Wilde is good, and her character is certainly the most fun to root for and watch at work. And I don't mean to say that it's because of eye-candy; her costume is strangely modest, given the norm in this sort of flick. I was very surprised to find that her role was refreshingly unsexualised. There's a shade of sexual tension, but her tender fascination with the lead male is understandable, given that he's the son of the man that created her people's universe, and indeed just arrived from beyond it.

They've made Jeff Bridges look 20 years younger for some scenes through the magic of our favourite strategy: CGI. While awkward at points, it can be overlooked once everybody's in the electro-world. In the digital environment, a slightly rubbery face kind of suits Jeff Bridges.

The 3d effects, surprisingly, don't try to slap you in the face with cheap pop-outs, but stays pretty low key and keeps to background atmosphere. The decision to keep most of 3d stuff for the 'in the computer' environment is a smart one, and works to make the 3d tech an aesthetic choice rather than just a barefaced gimmick.

So: One of the coolest Daft Punk videos I've seen.

New to the Store: Week of 21 December

2010-12-21T14:21:00.014-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Celebrate with Gen X's Christmas Week new releases!

Black Metal: The Music of Satan

Boy A

Devil

Easy A

Family Guy: It's a Trap

Futurama: Volume 5

Heavy, The (2010)

Horde, The

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'hoole (also BluRay)

My Normal

Salt (also BluRay)

Skirt Day

Town, The (also BluRay)

Winnebago Man

Wendy's Films of 2010 #109 & #110: Police Squad! (1982) & The Naked Gun (1988)

2010-12-15T20:31:00.015-05:00

It seems pretty fitting that even though I watched these Leslie Nielson classics back in June, that I should have waited (clearly intentionally, not because I got behind in things) to review them until now. Sadly he died just a few weeks ago, but luckily he was an actor and we get to remember him in such classics as his TV series Police Squad! and later film Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! His style of humour is kind of wild, a bit nonsensical, but his puns, play on words and strange remarks are what make him so funny to me.

Sadly there are only 6 episodes in Police Squad! but you can watch him again in the Naked Gun series. I remember my dad really liking Naked Gun when I was a kid, but it wasn't until this year that I watched them again and really understood the jokes and his style of humour. Of the two, I think I actually prefer Police Squad!, probably because of my love for spoofs; this one does a great job at playing with the television police drama, especially the narrative style. I love the way it feels like Airplane! and the hidden jokes playing on in the background. Definitely recommended, though I should say that Airplane! is still my favourite ;)

Maggie 2010: Julianne Moore being quirky and hot, but definitely straight

2010-12-15T16:12:00.005-05:00

#122. The Kids Are All Right

I was so excited by the premise of this film, the almost unfathomable Hollywood normalcy of its family-drama structure, that I had to restrain myself from seeing it right away. Yes, it is super-cool for a mainstream film to centre around a lesbian family with two adolescent children. Yes, it is super-cool that the ever-attractive Julianne Moore plays the spunky, wayward, gentler partner in the arrangement. And heck yes, it is super-cool that not one of the problems inflicted upon either "child" and parent lies outside the realm of mundane happenstance, thus avoiding the tedious problem of exceptionalism that usually mires queer representation in film.

But let's try to keep our pants on, shall we? (Even if Julianne Moore won't!) While The Kids Are All Right scores tremendous points for its even-handed approach to the failings and quirks of each character, and the script-writing allows for some rare insights into domestic life absent even from other family dramas, there are a couple hitches that keep it from being a perfect film.

The first is pretty straightforward: The film tries far too hard to emphasize "Look! They're lesbians!" in its opening scenes, with some awkward intimacy shots which, in stark contrast to the vitality and breadth of later heterosexual sex scenes, only further highlight the experience gap between queer characters and straight-identified actors.

(It's a similar problem to the one that afflicted Bound, but hey--a lot of people really like Jennifer Tilly, squeaky voice and all, so maybe I'm just picky.)

The second hitch is the teensiest-tiniest character plot-hole around an event that propagates one of the oldest family drama issues in the book. But to explain this, I suppose it would help to know the plot?

Right. So, fifteen-year-old Laser (Josh Hutcherson) asks his just-turned-eighteen-years-old sister Joni (Mia Wasikowska) to contact the sperm bank from whence half their DNA was first wrought. Both then set out, without telling either of their loving mums, to meet their biological father, Paul (Mark Ruffalo). When mums Jules (Julianne Moore) and Nic (Annette Bening) find out, both are uncertain about (and Nic is downright resistant to) the idea of further interactions with this man. Nonetheless, one by one the seemingly idyllic family is drawn into the Charms of Paul, and... well, you can guess where this is going.

Indeed, every predictable detail of the classic dramatic infidelity arc emerges in The Kids Are All Right--which is, again, awesome in its normalcy: absolutely nothing about what happens here is emphasized as different from what occurs in heterosexual relationships where one partner feels ignored or under-appreciated, and lacks the ability or desire to address these concerns head-on.

But what really tweaks me? What really doesn't follow naturally? Is the narrative creakiness and strange mental leaps driving the inevitable discovery sequence. To my mind, more insight into Nic's character was definitely needed to naturalize her suspicions regarding Jules' cheating. It's a small point, but in the midst of one of the most predictable sub-plots for this sub-genre, a key one.

For the most part, of course, I adore Lisa Cholodenko's directing of this film--in particular, the way all characters and their life perspectives are presented evenly and compassionately. I also thoroughly enjoyed her collaborative writing with Stuart Blumberg, as between the two of them they managed to keep Paul firmly secondary to the central family's narrative arc, instead of permitting the lone male's quest to supersede all others. And certainly, this is a film I will recommend to anyone who, for whatever blisteringly incomprehensible reason, still thinks family drama is entertaining.

But for all the accolades this film is currently receiving, it still has to be said: this is more or less your average dramedy, with average issues and averaged outcomes. And that's okay. In fact, to me, that's what truly makes The Kids Are All Right the achievement that it is.

New to the Store: Weeks of 7-14 December

2010-12-14T13:06:00.002-05:00

NEW RELEASES

24: Season 8

A Team, The (also BluRay)

Best Worst Movie

Boys Life 7

Call Girl, A

Cyrus

Despicable Me (also BluRay)

Disengagement

Henri 4

Hugh Hefner: Playboy Activist Rebel

Inception (also BluRay)

IT Crowd, The: Season 4

Jesus Guy, The

Lightkeepers, The

Lulu

Max Manus: Man of War

Mesrine, Part 1: Killer Instinct

Other Guys, The

Patrik, Age 1.5

Release

Resonnances

Restrepo

Shrek Forever After (also BluRay)

Soul Kitchen

Strapped

Twilight: Eclipse (also BluRay)

Valhalla Rising (BluRay)

NEW ARRIVALS

American Pop

Cronos (Criterion)

Disciples of the 36th Chamber

Last Detective, The: Series 1- 4

Lord of the Rings, The: Complete BluRay Collection

To Die For

Touch of Frost, A: Season 15

Maggie 2010: Allan King

2010-12-13T01:03:00.012-05:00

#121. Dying at Grace

Watching this film isn't the hard part, though its subject might suggest otherwise. A 2003 documentary from the esteemed Allan King, Canadian tour de force and influential component of cinéma vérité, Dying at Grace follows five terminal patients through their final days at a Toronto palliative care facility. Not exactly the lightest of themes, I know.

But this isn't a disturbing film. Sad, yes. Human, definitively. But even as it dawns on viewers that all five patients look the same near the end, the dark, sallow lines of their failing bodies and the steady gurgle of their slowing breaths is not depicted as grotesque. It simply is.

The hard part comes after the film, when returning to the usual gamut of vibrant TV imagery: the anti-ageing ads, the eHarmony Marry!-go-round, and show after show teasing apart every conflict-filled aspect of our active lives. What lessons can be gleaned from a film like King's, I wondered--and how can any of us hope to make use of those lessons going forward?

Carmela Nardone, Joyce Bone, Eda Simac, Rick Pollard, and Lloyd Greenwood were kind enough to share their last days with Allan King and his crew. Their offering above all else makes the aforementioned question more than mere mental exercise. Consider, then, the diversity of their stories:

Carmela was a devout Catholic, loved by her family and unwilling to complain about any pain that befell her.

Joyce, at least agnostic and just as loved by her community, was afraid to sleep and expressed much frustration with her flagging body.

Eda was a civil servant who refused to see her friends while in hospice, instead maintaining a fierce hope that she would survive her cancer.

Rick was a man with a difficult past--homeless after a brutal childhood, struggling in later years to improve his lot in life--whose memories haunted him near the end.

Lloyd was a minister whose brain cancer caused him immense suffering, and whose family was never far from his bed.

All looked the same in the end. Despite the wildly disparate paths each had taken in their lives, the great equalizer of mortality made everything but each patient's immediate discomfort a matter of little importance. And why not? The hospice beds turned over regularly. Patients entered and left through the morgue mostly within the month. In this strange world of constant deterioration and fleeting last connections, pain management trumped all else.

Thus those who monitored this new way of life--the soft-spoken staff of the Salvation Army Toronto Grace Health Centre--themselves became marvels under King's watchful eye. As a viewer, and an outsider, I didn't agree with all they had to say in gentle conversation with their wards--I didn't care for one nurse's response to Joyce's articulation of embarrassment, for instance; I likewise didn't care for a counsellor's response to Joyce's frustration about her mental state--but the attentiveness of their care speaks for itself.

After all, the inescapable fact is that we all die, and many of us first undergo a considerable measure of bodily deterioration. In the course of this transformation, from youth and vitality to outer forms in which we hardly recognize ourselves, we then tend set aside our politics, our old quarrels, or attachments and our dreams, and enter a new world--a world that, if we're lucky, is well attended by people who hope to ease our discomfort, our pain, for what little time remains.

In this manner the external falls away. We lie down, and we sleep. To those around us we become frail and strange things, until one day we simply cease to wake up. What we leave in our wakes then is ultimately those who are still alive.

Those, that is, who will endure their own final deterioration in time, but who for now have no reason not to anticipate, and relish, all the unpredictable tomorrows that lie somewhere in-between.

Who for now can say, "Wow, what an incredible film," reflect for a moment on King's unrelenting compassion, and then reach for the remote to see what else is on.

This, too, simply is.

Maggie 2010: A Period Piece with Depth

2010-12-11T15:14:00.004-05:00

#120. The Last Station

Leo Tolstoy, for those who will not recognize the name, is considered the world over to be one of the greatest writers ever to have lived. Even if you've never read Anna Karenina, War and Peace, or The Death of Ivan Ilyich, you can take it on good faith that this 19th Century Russian author laid an extraordinary and unmatched groundwork for the realist novel, the importance of comprehensive world-building, and the use of a truly omniscient narrator--one capable of both expansive objectivity and intimate, detail-oriented portraiture of all characters in its care.

Sadly, none of these achievements, and the great bevy of acclaim they won the author himself, protected Tolstoy's message from the distorting influences of time and community--which is why, in The Last Station, viewers find themselves thrust into a rights battle over Tolstoy's writings, as enacted between Vladimir Chertkov (Paul Giamatti) and Tolstoy's wife, Sofia (Helen Mirren) as Tolstoy (Christopher Plummer) enters the final months of his life.

What seems at first a simple matter--Chertkov wanting Tolstoy to will his works into the public domain; Sofia wanting the works' copyrights to remain with the family--is reflected by the strenuous idealism of young Valentin Bulgakov (James McAvoy), a fervent man moved by Tolstoy's work and keen to serve the egalitarian cause established on Tolstoy's estate; but both deceptively simple matters are quickly complicated by the same life principle: love.

On one level, then, The Last Station is an elegantly styled excerpting of Tolstoy's later life, carrying the viewer right up to his death and perhaps only lingering too long, too predictably, on the immediate emotional aftermath. In this way it is an absolutely "harmless" film, leaving a vague and fuzzy feeling of contentment among viewers, but intrinsically demanding little more.

But on another level, there is also tremendous room for debate seeded amid the light discourse of this film. By juxtaposing a tale of young love with old, and the routines of lovers with the routines of political combat; and by especially emphasizing the outsider status of anyone attempting to judge the merits of a relationship who is not in fact part of that relationship, the film easily arises at a much more profound argument for the impossibility of perfect communication.

Thus, as the film progresses, Chertkov's "mankind," the presumed benefactors of open copyright, becomes a little narrower in scope, while Sofia's "family," the people she claims to want to protect by keeping Tolstoy's works financially useful, broadens to stand in for a wide spectrum of identity politics. And though Tolstoy is no longer around to worry the issue by the film's end, the question remains long after the credits roll: If even our greatest thinkers and writers cannot control the message or the consequences of their words, are the rest of us in even greater peril of miscommunication--or does their failure instead speak to a universal condition, in which we are all blind men attempting to describe the great elephants of love and politics in the room?

If the latter, then it was perhaps Tolstoy's greatest gift, made elegantly manifest in this film written and directed by Michael Hoffman, that we should at least have the presence of mind to be aware of this difficulty, and to regard each other with compassion and humility accordingly.

That, or just make a lot of love to a lot of people while the getting is good. After all, in The Last Station, no one--not even Tolstoy himself--is as good a Tolstoyan as they at first might seem. But they certainly do try!

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #89: Forbidden World (1982)

2010-12-10T02:31:00.015-05:00

Hello Space Marine. Care to have space sex?

The innuendo
drips like the slime from
black meta-mutants

Another Roger Corman alien-ripoff oh shit we're stuck in a space lab movie! When will it end? Hopefully never, because it's like a beautiful dream.

I was smitten with Forbidden World from the start because it gives you this trippy opening montage where a robot wakes a guy out of cryogenic stasis with some Beethoven. While the ship is being attacked by raiders. That's how I'd do it.

This one's actually pretty cool. I'm pleased to say that there's an attempt to keep the camera interesting throughout most of the movie, since we get a pretty wide variety of shots of things from places you wouldn't expect, but not so many that it starts to look like an overenthusiastic student film wank. You will get gratuitous ass shots of women walking in high heels, though. Quite a few. They're made to walk up and down the corridors in what must be standard space lab attire: skin-tight silvery jump suits with low cut chests and high heels. There are nighties too, and many situations where the female characters feel the need to be topless. Babes will literally bump into the protagonist and introduce themselves by batting their eyes. As one scientist puts it, the women there are apparently starved for new faces.

I absolutely love how often people will stop to have sex when there's a killer mutant loose in their science facility. It's got to be a space fetish of some kind. There's this ridiculous and great sequence where a security guard, who is watching for the goddamned deadly mutant, watches the blonde scientist get it on with the dopey space marine protagonist instead. It's an amazingly creepy violation of security camera protocol. As he watches, he pulls at some kind of light up space yo-yo and sweats profusely. This is the greatest form of space sex innuendo possible.

The scene is extra funny because the security guard looks exactly like Tim Roth. We get some fantastic space porno music evidently coming from a token black guy playing a screechy clear plastic space saxophone. This all goes on for a full two minutes, and the song actually gets pretty darn catchy by the time they hit orgasm. Forbidden Planet has a genuinely cool soundtrack by the way, a very Goblin one.

So while watching, the guard catches a glitch on a sensor and decides to investigate. That, of course, is serious trouble. What I love about his cautious search for the alien is that every 25 seconds or so we get a split second of the scientist and space marine having sex in their room. At first I was confused - is this guy afraid he's about to die and is reliving the happiest moment of his life? The one a minute ago when he was watching space marine fuck that girl he probably wants so badly? Then I thought: no, wait, the monster is using psychic projections of her getting it on to lure him in, because every time he hears something or looks over, it cuts to a few frames of sex. By the time the monster hits it's clear that they were going for a sex and murder montage that actually turns out to be fairly effective. An orgy of blood! An orgy of love! Everything the viewer might want in a scene! We get a shot of a different scientist smoking a cigarette afterwards, and I feel in my heart that it was Roger Corman in spirit.

The lab facility has a space sauna, and in the morning the space marine gets it on with girl number two there. The actor's attempt to look seductive just looks really weird - this doofy smirk and wide eyed "Heh heh, eh baby?" expression that makes the guy wholly unlikable. This look of course works within seconds on girl two, who's boyfriend was killed by the monster the previous day. Incredible. Space marine walks in and 'EEEK GET OUT! LEAVE NOW LEAVE NOW!' and after that pervy look, switches to (and this is a quote) "Fair's fair, get naked."

After the mutant attacks them both, some guy actually bulldozes over the fact that there's a killer creature on the loose by asking "Hey you know what I wanna know? I wanna know what you and Tracy were doing in there dressed like that." Just so girl number one can add a catty comment. Clearly, what they were doing in the sauna is much more important than the fact that they were nearly transformed into a digestible food tissue by a vicious mutant, and somebody better damn well take care of it. Nobody seems to give a shit about the mutant until it's attacking someone.

Hmm...maybe we should do something about this soon?

Now, you might have read my review of 1991's Dead Space. Turns out that Dead Space was in fact Roger Corman's remake of Forbidden World. Same plot. Same characters. Different names. At least three lines of dialogue that I noticed in Forbidden World found their way into Dead Space. The opening space battle in DS is lifted from the opening of FW, and I'm guessing that FW probably takes it from some even earlier Roger Corman film. Probably Battle Beyond the Stars, though it's been a while since I've seen that one.

So: You really have to watch any movie where characters hit computer keys with glowsticks. Standard, ordinary dollar-store glowsticks. Because fingers just aren't good enough.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #88: Valhalla Rising (2009)

2010-12-09T20:42:00.007-05:00

I've been meaning to write a review for Valhalla Rising for quite some time. I've name-dropped it in other reviews, promising that I'd one day say a bit more about it. That day is upon you.

If you read any of the reviews I posted about The Pusher Trilogy, you probably noticed that I have nothing but high praise for Danish writer/director Nicolas Winding Refn. I haven't seen anything he's touched that I haven't liked. His images are stirring and organic, and he knows how to pull interesting performances out of his actors. He seems to be able to work special magic when he's working with Valhalla Rising lead Mads Mikkelson, a guy who could very easily turn into a misused Hollywood action chump (like in the awful Clash of the Titans remake). But he's chosen some very interesting, and in the case of Valhalla, daring films to be part of. In Valhalla Rising he doesn't say a single word.

Mads is 'One Eye', a completely silent one-eyed Viking slave/prize-fighter who eventually finds himself on a ship filled with Scotsman bound for the Crusades. There's really not too much more to say about the plot.

I'd wager that anyone passing by the DVD case would be immediately mislead. It's image of a grim Viking warrior standing alone with an axe in hand might make you expect a film filled with spectacle-driven violence. It isn't. There's in fact very little violence, but what violence there is some of the grittiest, ugliest violence I've seen on a screen. Mads' screen presence is great, and though silent (not to be confused with mute), manages to present you with a startling enigma you constantly struggle to decipher in terms of emotion and motive. This movie is minimalist in its strategy in almost every way and works essentially as a thought-provoking, poetic, and captivating existential mood piece. And it's about a fucking Viking. Who knew.

So: My pick for best movie of the year (it was released in North America only recently). Might not be your cup of tea, but if anything I said tickled your fancy, watch it.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #108: Shinjuku Incident (2009)

2010-12-09T12:51:00.005-05:00

Most Jackie Chan films I've seen have been a bit silly. I never really got a chance to see his previous stuff where you get treated to his awesome martial arts skills, so when this film was suggested I was a little apprehensive, but it ended up being quite good as I remember. (I did watch it back in June, after all.) Chan plays a Chinese man who immigrates to Japan to make money. Unfortunately he loses his Chinese papers and cannot go back home to his love. He begins making it in Japan doing odd jobs and eventually makes it into the underground illegal system. He gets twisted into deeper and darker situations and eventually makes it into the hierarchy of the Yakuza as a manager of the Chinese area of town and its gangs. Of course things go downhill, he finds out his former love had moved to Japan and married one of his foes. You can imagine the action and gunfire now if you please.

Overall I'd say it was a satisfactory film, that I enjoyed and would recommend if someone asked about it. Nothing hugely memorable (I had to look it up before I remembered what it was about), but worth your while if you're in the mood for an action drama with a bit of comedy and some Yakuza action.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #107: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

2010-12-09T12:22:00.007-05:00

Just after I turned 6 months old, a film about space travellers coming back home was released. I'm not sure about its significance in terms of my 6 month birth anniversary, but there must be one. Perhaps I'm meant to swim with whales? Or I could fall for a curiously out-of-date space traveller who calls himself James T. Kirk?

I hope not. I didn't mind William Shatner as a Trekkie, but the thought of kissing him makes me puke a little in my mouth.

I actually enjoyed this movie. I thought it was good in a cute, falling in love, save the animals kind of way. In it, they must go back in time and save the future of the humpback whale population, and thus the future of the world!! It's got a sense of humour, which I've always enjoyed in films, I especially enjoyed the outfits they put on when arriving to the earth's past (as seen above). They must deal with Dr. Gillian Taylor, played by Catherine Hicks (the mother from 7th Heaven), and she ends up falling for Kirk. It reminded me of watching "Danger Bay" as a kid, a sappy 1984-89 series about a veterinarian who saves sea life with his kids.

The special thing about this movie is that it was actually directed by Leonard Nemoy who plays Spock in the series (and the film). I thought that was pretty neat anyway. He's one of my favourite characters in the film too. Check it out for a laugh!

Maggie 2010: Banksy Banksy Banksy!

2010-12-05T00:30:00.002-05:00

#119. Exit Through the Gift Shop

The last thing one might expect in a film ostensibly about Banksy, the most acclaimed street artist of our time, is the soothing masculine narration of a traditional documentary. And yet amid the madness of a character who swiftly emerges as the film's central agent, a Frenchman who acquired a camera once and thereafter would not put it down, such a traditional gambit becomes, if not imperative*, at least understandable.

Exit Through the Gift Shop orients itself around the story of Thierry Guatta, a French immigrant whose compulsion to film everything first leads him to discover that his cousin is the famed street artist "Invader," who affixes mosaics of Space Invader wherever possible in public spaces. From this discovery Guatta launches into a Gotta Catch'em All quest to videotape street artists in process, but wherever he goes finds himself limited by the most elusive ~~Pokemon~~ artist of them all:

Banksy.

Author of some of the most provocative and daring street art of our time, including work on the West Bank and a Guantanamo Bay mannequin in Disneyland, Banksy is noted for maintaining an extremely low personal profile, so Guatta's tale of falling in with him had to have a point unto itself: specifically, Guatta had to convince his street artist friends he was working on a documentary.

This flimsy conceit, its pathetic follow-through (complete with some amusingly direct commentary from Banksy's obscured profile), and the new quest Guatta claims Banksy ultimately set him upon mark the major turning points in the film--as well as a whole whack-load of questions from reviewers about whether Exit Through the Gift Shop is genuine or another Banksy installation piece.

Regardless of its veracity, the real joy of this film is not its declarative statements: it's the thrill of watching street artists deploy their creations in the heart of the city, day and night alike--on rooftops, under bridges, over billboards, around telephone poles, and throughout the streets.

Moreover, one needn't buy into the suspicion that this story is too wacky to be real** to enjoy the gentle self-effacement that goes hand-in-hand with the semiotics of documentary--specifically, the way the very framing of this subject in serious film argues that street art is high art. Indeed, every time someone in the film talks about the legitimizing benefit of their work being filmed, we cut to a scene of someone falling from a ladder or a rooftop, spilling paint or otherwise making an unfortunate mess of themselves. This, for me, never ceases to be a point of delight.

As for the conspiracy theories about this film being a hoax, I will say this much: Guatta's depicted failures in Exit Through the Gift Shop, both as a documentarian and then as a street artist in his own right, after years spent filming others at work, do not seem at all unrealistic. Quite frankly, the street art Guatta creates is very much what one would expect from someone whose dominant trope has always been the lens--a sort of self-conscious, superficial deconstruction of paparazzi/celebrity culture.

However, if it eventually turns out that this film very much was a hoax/installation piece unto itself, I will be saddened not by that measure of falsity but by the possibility that Guatta's absurd attempt at street art documentary, which Banksy thoroughly dismisses on camera himself, doesn't actually exist somewhere--a moldering P.O.S. just begging to be reclaimed by cultural studies and psych students alike in the decades to come.

*Has Herzog taught us nothing about how to handle bizarre personalities in film?
**Personally, I've seen wackier: and after Dear Zachary, nothing will ever convince me real life isn't invariably stranger than anything a documentarian or street artist can create.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #106: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (1966)

2010-12-03T11:45:00.008-05:00

When this year began I had the high hopes of watching 365 movies I'd never seen before, writing reviews for each one and perhaps even ranking them. It is now the beginning of December, I have written 106 reviews (less than a third of my goal) and have over 60 left to write. I suppose this is what happens when you combine life with 2 month vacations, a dash of procrastination and a sprinkle of "ooo, let's go to the market!" But, I shall do my darndest to write more this month, hopefully I shan't feel as though I've let myself down at the end of it.

At least today I have the great pleasure of relaying my thorough love and adoration of perhaps the greatest movie I've seen this year. I'm a little ashamed that I'd never seen The Good, The Bad and the Ugly before, it had been mentioned to me consistently, long before I'd ever stepped into a Film Studies degree and I only finally watched it this past June.

If you like Westerns this will be a wonderful, sparkling pinnacle of delicious; if not, you may just fall in love with them because of this movie. It's part of the "Dollars Trilogy" all starring Clint Eastwood and directed by Sergio Leone, and though Once Upon a Time in the West is still my favourite Sergio Leone Western, this one certainly ranks as "up there" in my mind.

Eastwood plays the lone hero type, without the typical characteristics of a hero. He's a bit crude, a bit mean, but I love him perhaps because of this, rather than in spite of it. Along with three other men, he is in search of a treasure buried in a man's grave, but the movie is way more than that. It is less about the gold than about everything else that happens in between: the civil war, betrayal, prison, hangings, and the music. Oh the music, and how wonderful it is. The soundtrack was written by Ennio Morricone, a man who has composed the music for so many other films, but is probably most well known for this one.

So, if I have not convinced you, please listen to all the others out there who have claimed on imdb.com that this is the 4th best films ever made. Because even if it's not that high in my opinion, it's definitely a fantastic movie worth your time and perhaps a few dollars for the rental fee.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #87: Dead Space (1991)

2010-12-03T04:05:00.006-05:00

Think about your hungry children, Bryan.

Another Roger Corman Alien rip-off with people and monster trapped in an inescapable lab!

Beastmaster dude Marc Singer plays a han solo-ish space marine, and he's alright. His mildly sarcastic robot sidekick is pretty cool. That's about all of interest in this movie.

The lead actress is absolutely terrible, and every line she delivers falls completely to the floor and shatters into pieces of "Why the fuck am I watching this?" I'd guess that she got the lead role because she was the only one to agree to get topless during the space-sex scene. Any of the relatively much more talented actresses in the cast would have been a better choice, and would have made Dead Space an easier pill to swallow. Breaking Bad star Bryan Cranston makes a solid appearance as one of the main scientists at the facility though, and while nearly as boring as the other characters, it's clear from the get go that as an actor he's doing his absolute best with the gig.

The fight scenes are hilariously bad. I know I usually use words like "hilarious" in my reviews of terrible films, but this time I really really mean it. I actually laughed out loud during a few sequences, and had to pause the movie so my brain could do a reality check and confirm that I was actually seeing what I was seeing. Dead Space probably has the worst fight sequences I have ever seen, and I've seen my fair share of shitty violence. Characters just run around, back and forth, aimlessly diving and rolling. From one side of the room and then back again. To clutch at someone they don't think can hold their own and then topple over in fear. And normally, when you have a monster in a movie, you don't just have your characters start shouting and shooting and then show the monster lurking by the fog machine, you give a hint that the creature is there by the fog machine, all misty and atmospheric-like, and then you can have the heroes react. But this movie is riddled with instances where the characters are reacting to a monster we haven't been shown yet - not because we don't know what it looks like, we do already. But solely as an editing choice. The monster shots come last, come separately, and in some cases, have been shot in totally different locations and then edited together. It's pretty clear that most of the special effects shots were done late in the game, and that's normally a relatively fine stratagem if the editing supports it. The movie seems not to care overly much though.

The carelessness of the movie manifests in other numerous, joyously funny ways. Characters will sometimes enter a fight scene as though they were already battling for hours and are ready to pass out, just to match the forced intensity of the movie's scuffles. A particularly lame and cowardly character enters a room with an enormous alien creature he's terrified of and actually takes noticeable time to just walk up to it (in perfectly sound mind) just to get close enough so he could get killed for us. All the while he's being shouted at: "What are you doing? Where are you going?? What are you doing!?" At points it almost seems like a character takes on the consciousness of the movie and expresses its confusion over why it's doing what it's doing. The aforementioned lame character filled that role earlier by asking questions like "Why is he going up there??" and "What is he doing? He's stupid." Those were valid meta-questions, though within the film he was just being a dick.

The space marine walks into a room and somehow doesn't see the same huge alien creature that couldn't have possibly been hiding anywhere. He doesn't notice it until a claw peeks into the frame and attacks. The best response of course is to push the person he's trying to protect, his new girlfriend, onto the floor in front of the creature. He then backs up and starts shooting bullets that have never once injured the creature during the course of the film. If a bear ever came at my girlfriend and I during a secluded camping trip, I know I'd toss her down in front of the bear and start hurling small stones. I guess there's not too much threat with the monster though, it kind of just stands around and waves it's arms.

Of final note, this movie has an awful synthesized orchestral soundtrack that sounds like the jaunty background music to some old medieval strategy game.

So: I barely got through it, but I'm eternally grateful that this movie exists.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #86: The Terror Within (1989)

2010-12-03T03:22:00.007-05:00

I've been watching more Roger Corman ripoffs of Alien. Galaxy of Terror wasn't enough. Corman seems to be following a set up he likes for its relative simplicity: people are stuck in an isolated and inescapable lab facility with a monster that ripped out of someone's body. The monster picks everyone off one by one by working its way through the air vents.

The Terror Within takes that formula and places it within a post-apocalyptic setting where women give birth to mutants called Gargoyles. Where Galaxy of Terror had a maggot rape sequence, this time we get a Gargoyle rape sequence! Not nearly as graphic as its predecessor but just as ridiculous.

There's not much to say about this one, apart from the fact that it's deliciously terrible and manages to satisfy my craving for post-apocalyptic movies, for the odd moment anyway. You'll get awful acting, macho heroes and pseudo-feminist "I want to fight too!" heroines, a guy in a rubbery mutant suit, and an ending with an explosive final move that doesn't make sense because it isn't necessary. It also ruins chances of future survival in case their rescue doesn't actually pan out.

That isn't a spoiler because the heroes don't actually use it save their butts. They do it because they seem fixated on blowing up their lab for some reason, and so that the lead male could say "Adios motherfuckers" when some Gargoyles, on cue, start to crowd around their dilapidated shack/secret entrance. This is of course for the sake of having an explosion in a movie that up until that point had none, and been relatively ok for it. I kind of like how afterwards, however, the two survivors just sort of wander off into the Gargoyle-infested desert with their dog, supposedly making for some other lab in just as bad shape, and the credits roll to haunting music. Chances that they'll make it? SLIM.

So: Chances that you need to watch this? SLIMMER. Unless you've got bad taste like myself.

New to the Store: Week of 30 Nov 2010

2010-11-30T12:50:00.002-05:00

Slow week for everything except big studio titles. Christmas must be coming or something...

Cargo

Grant Morrison: Talking with Gods

Knight and Day (also BluRay)

Metropolis: "Complete" Edition (BluRay)

Parks and Recreation: Season 2

Sorcerer's Apprentice, The (also BluRay)

Special Relationship, The

Valhalla Rising

Vampires Suck

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #85: Four Lions (2010)

2010-11-26T11:46:00.003-05:00

Chris Morris, a notoriously shy, reclusive BBC comedian and so-called "media terrorist" has directed his first feature film. And fittingly, it's about terrorism. Yippee! He's directed for and starred in various BBC television projects in the past, and his stuff is typically hilarious and full of biting commentary. Seeing his name on the DVD case certainly grabbed my interest, since it promised something aggressively satirical.

Four Lions centres on four British jihadists trying to take their ideals to a violent end and blow themselves up in the name of the great struggle against MacDonald's and Jews and all that jazz. One of the characters is so comfortable with blowing up that his own family encourages him lovingly towards his goal as though he were simply going for a raise at his security job. He's the one with the most relative sense, and the other guys are mostly hapless, confused, and belligerent. Some of them aren't exactly sure they want to blow up, but the peer pressure is too great for them. One goes so far as to try to train cute, friendly crows strapped with bombs to fly into sex toy shops and jihad themselves up to heaven. It doesn't go too well.

While the characters are clearly huge idiots, they also seem very human. The stupidity that it takes to blow yourself up and kill people doesn't precisely come from a fanatically religious place in Four Lions. Rather, it seems to have more to do with human insecurities and vulnerabilities. This makes the characters mostly sympathetic idiots rather than easily dismissed and disliked religious lunatics. You get the constant impression that these people are missing something and getting in way over their heads. The key phrase at a pivotal moment in the narrative is "I'm sorry. I don't really know what I'm doing."

So: Some interesting and endearing satire. Worth a look.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #84: Galaxy of Terror (1981)

2010-11-25T15:20:00.004-05:00

Hi kids. Captain Spaulding here, this time with CRYSTAL NINJA STARS.

This wonderful Gigeresque Alien ripoff is full of familiar faces. I was amazed to see Robert Englund, Ray Walston, someone from Happy Days but not who you're thinking, and Sid Haig, all milling about in a space ship together in a movie that looks and plays out like an issue of Heavy Metal. Here's why:

After a generic scene where a dude somewhere is running away from something scary and dies, the movie proper opens in a way I wasn't expecting. The movie decides to trip the hell out. We get a guy playing some kind of lasery table game with an old witch. He's called The Master, and he has a glowing plasma flame for a head. No face.

The Master, getting it done.

Him and The Oracle are apparently deciding the fate of the planet, and The Master orders a rescue mission, one that apparently needs to happen for reasons of Destiny, to a planet where something awful happened years ago. The dialogue in that scene is grandiose and striking, and I eat that crazy space opera/space fantasy stuff up like alphacentaurigetti.

Though it's mostly rushed thanks to its hour and twenty runtime, the movie works pretty hard to give each character some kind of bizarre distinctness, most fun of which, and most out of the blue, is Sid Haig's character Quuhod. He's an understanding and empathic warrior-type who "lives and dies by the crystal," meaning that as a master of these cool crystal throwing blades he can touch no other weapon. Sid Haig apparently, on reading the script, insisted that Quuhod be played entirely mute. He thought the lines were terrible and didn't suit the character at all, and given most of the dialogue in the film, was probably right. Famed producer Roger Corman heard his pleas and agreed. Quuhod's muteness, coupled with the movie's tendency to give you hints of back story and lore without actually telling you what any of it is, adds a wonderful mystique to the narrative that the movie really needed. I kind of want a movie just with Quuhod, hiking across the galaxy like the man with no name and dealing in blade wounds instead of gunshots. But this is a universe where dreams are shattered. This is a galaxy....of terror! Though it might be a Battle Beyond the Stars, since it uses enough stock footage from that previous Corman sci-fi.

I found myself liking this flick not just for its Corman-infused silliness, but its streaks of seriousness. As I mentioned before, much of the stuff you see seems like it could have come right off the pages of Heavy Metal Magazine. The movie possesses the same kind of weird, dark, and at times sexual space opera that I can't get enough of, though almost did when it came to the maggot rape sequence. Yep.

I wish I could say a maggot was raped when I write "maggot rape sequence," but I'm afraid an enormous maggot rapes a busty blonde in Galaxy of Terror, and that the scene was a big part of the movie's relative success. I'd forgotten up until that point that I was watching a Roger Corman flick. It will only make sense once you find out what an evil pyramid in the movie is all about, but not much sense.

Also, James Cameron was apparently second unit director and production designer. In the special features there's a handful of really interesting anecdotes about a smug and combative Cameron berating people for various silly reasons. The prosthetics department supposedly made a monster partially in the likeness of Cameron, though I couldn't see any similarities apart from the claws and slime. The special features on the disc are great, and Roger Corman's interviews always offer illuminating insight into the filmmaking business and its trends and turns.

So: Fair amounts of gore, a Heavy Metal magazine vibe, and a haunting ending I wasn't expecting. Cool stuff.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #105: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

2010-11-25T14:03:00.008-05:00

There isn't a whole lot of... anything to say about this movie. I never watched the cartoon, so that I suppose wasn't an area of potential disappointment, but it also meant that I had no previous affection for any of the characters so my interest in the film as a whole wasn't very high to begin with. I actually only watched the movie because of circumstance; I was bored and comfortable on the couch and someone in the room put it on the television. Luckily I have a sense of humour so I didn't go mad, but I would never ever recommend this film on any level whatsoever. It's trash, but not in a good way by any means. In my last review I wrote that Plan 9 From Outer Space was so terrible that it was awesome, but I also spoke of a different kind of movie, one that is terrible but in a mediocre kind of way. This is that movie. Through other reviews I've read it seems even people who loved G.I. Joe as a kid disliked it, or perhaps it's because they loved it as a kid that they hated this new version so much.

The one positive thing I can say is that if you're looking for nothing but mindless action, you could potentially enjoy this movie. It has a lot of explosions, shooting and destruction, which is the only part that I gained any entertainment from. Yay for the destruction of the Eiffel Tower! I suppose... View this one at your own risk.

New to the Store: Week of 23 Nov 2010

2010-11-23T13:55:00.001-05:00

NEW RELEASES

Avatar (extended)

Bangkok Adrenaline

Countdown to Zero

Disappearance of Alice Creed, The

Eat Pray Love

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Expendables, The (also BluRay)

Flipped

I'm Still Here

Lennon Naked

Liberté (Freedom)

Pillars of the Earth, The

Spinnin'

Spongebob Squarepants: Legends of Bikini Bottom

Straight

NEW ARRIVALS

Absolute Power

Dead Pool, The (Dirty Harry 5)

Enforcer, The (Dirty Harry 3)

Firefox

Heartbreak Ridge

Japanese Wife Next Door Part 2, The

Nikkatsu Roman Porno Trailer Collection, The

Outbreak

Sudden Impact (Dirty Harry 4)

Terminal City Ricochet

Zappa, Frank: Torture Never Stops

Wendy's Films of 2010 #104: Plan 9 From Outer Space (1958)

2010-11-23T11:32:00.010-05:00

I was invited over for a movie night this night, unsure about what the film would bring, but flying saucers and aliens waking the dead into a potential zombie vampire army weren't the first things on my mind.

It's always hard to say whether or not this films are good or bad. It's usually more appropriate to appreciate them on a level of terrible or awesome... or both. Plan 9 From Outer Space is perfectly described by both of these words simultaneously: it's a piece of crap that is so crappy that it has become awesome once more. The acting is poor, the effects may be some of the worst I've ever seen, but without these qualities the movie would likely have been lost in the void made for movies that are neither good nor bad. Movies I've either never heard of or would never care to see. Luckily this one is filled with terrible awesomeness, flying saucers hanging from fishing line, tombstones made of cardboard. It also has the luck of starring Bela Lugosi as the "Ghoul Man" and Vampira as "Vampire Girl." It's filled with outstanding moments that you and your friends will hopefully thoroughly enjoy for some time to come. There isn't a whole lot more to say about this old sci fi classic, it's worth your time if you're feeling like a bunch of cheese wrapped in alien vampire bacon.

Maggie 2010: A Diatribe About Alien Morality

2010-11-23T09:46:00.007-05:00

#118. The Abyss

Sometimes customers ask me why Gen X doesn't have a special director's section for James Cameron (Aliens, The Terminator, T2, Titanic, Avatar, etc). Rest assured, the power duo of our fine establishment has delightfully catty answers more than worth the one-on-one inquiries, but I'm happy to say I've finally found my own, five-word rejoinder to the issue, which goes a little like this:

"Have you seen The Abyss?!"

Forget the insulting alien/"primitive cultures" let's-all-focus-on-the-white-man's-destiny! narrative of Avatar: if you want really asinine alien foils, you've gotta watch this P.O.S. 1989 film.

See, there's this ballistic missile submarine lost in a deep ocean trench that needs to be salvaged, so the U.S. sends in a SEAL team to retrieve its warhead via an experimental underwater oil platform. One member of the drop team is Dr. Lindsey Brigman (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio), who conveniently has an estranged husband, Bud (Ed Harris), to contend with on the oil rig -- a common enough device in disaster flicks that you have to wonder if couples in movies ever repair their broken relationships through non life-or-death means.

Meanwhile, the weather's getting really shitty and strange creatures (Non-Terrestrial Intelligent Lifeforms) pop up with enough frequency that one of the team members, Lt. Hiram Coffey (Michael Biehn), eventually tweaks due to High Pressure Nervous Syndrome (and with a name like Coffey, no one saw this coming?). Being military and all, he thus wants to blow up whatever's lurking in the deep, while everyone else thinks that isn't such a good idea. Merriment and death ensue.

Okay, so that's not too spoiler-y, but this next part will be--because when I invest a couple hours in a film I tend to get really pissed off when the payoff is a patently absurd use of alien species as deus ex machina. I'm looking at you, Knowing!

So (SPOILER) Bud and the gang foil Coffey to a degree, but he's still managed to deploy the warhead they were all sent to retrieve in the first place. Thus, somebody's gotta go deeper than any human's ever gone before to disarm it, and Bud bravely volunteers for the task. On his way down he's texting the old school way, via arm-mounted computer device, and he and his wife fix all their assorted problems while he waits to die. (Actually, this is pretty convenient, as marital resolutions go.) But wait! He doesn't die after all, because those strange lights he sees at the end aren't just from the pressures of deep sea diving: they're signs of an alien mothership, where an alien/angel figure takes him and saves his life. How sweet.

Oh, but it gets sweeter. With thousand-foot tsunamis just hanging around the world over, these aliens admit to Bud that they`re responsible for all the crappy near-apocalyptic conditions on the surface. The reason? Well, they flash TV images of war and poverty at Bud, implicitly demanding that he account or atone for human monstrosities. Bud offers his average-and-decent-working-guy rejoinder, then asks them why they aren`t just wiping humans off the planet if we`re so terrible. The aliens` response is priceless: they flash pictures of the text messages Bud sent to his wife about loving her and the duty of sacrifice. Aw. Cue the rolling back of these massive tsunamis, and when Bud and the gang are returned to the surface, it`s with the feel-good message that the aliens would just like us to be a little nicer to each other from here on out. Smiling military officials on the surface seem to agree. Double aw.

You know, it`s hard enough trying to comprehend how people wrap their heads around an omnipotent being`s justification in wiping out most all of creation in a massive flood for the sins of certain adults, but when you try to suggest that an incredibly advanced alien civilization would a) watch human transmissions so selectively as to miss every single feel-good TV program promoting all the good things people also do, b) be more willing to commit genocide themselves rather than just put a warning buoy around the whole solar system to warn other alien species away from our nuisance planet, and c) change their (selectively wrought!) verdict for the fate of the entire human race on the basis of a single text message... you lose me. You really, really lose me.

Dear James Cameron: Aliens with the technology to interfere so profoundly in human affairs are probably not morons, unless you`re also considering how moronic it would be for any more advanced civilization to bother with a species as idiotic as ours at all. You yourself KNOW this, because somehow you managed not to fuck up the very movie Aliens (thank you, Ridley Scott, for all your help in this regard--though that certainly doesn`t give you a pass for Robin Hood)!

With Avatar, Cameron at least had the weak excuse of lifting an overdone story from many other venues--so the stupidity of Pocahantar with Wolves is not entirely his own. To my mind, however, The Abyss gets no such free pass. It`s just (dear reader, you were waiting for this: be honest) Abyssmal. And that is my new personal reason for being proud to work at a video store with a No James Cameron Director Section Policy in stringent effect.

Also, Titanic. But that`s a whole other can of worms.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #83: The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

2010-11-21T22:13:00.007-05:00

Still insatiable
hungry for monster movies
I watch Black Lagoon

There are embarrassingly huge gaps in my cinema history, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon has been on my 'to watch' list for years and on my mind for the past few months. Finally saw it, and was surprised by how much I liked it. Great atmosphere, great monster, and an environmental subtext I hadn't been expecting. There's a shot where the leading lady tosses an unwanted cigarette into the creature's lagoon, and the camera moves below the surface to the face of the creature, who watches silently. Thanks to how it's shot the cigarette becomes invasive, and, more importantly, insulting. This is some of the earliest environmental awareness I've seen in a Hollywood film, sci-fi fear of toxic waste and nuclear war aside. There's a scene where poison is dumped into the lagoon to force the creature out of hiding, and the comatose fish that litter the water's surface highlights the disregard for the natural world that the scientists, behaving more like hunters, are exhibiting.

The creature itself looks awesome, and the amount of understanding and sympathy we find in him makes for great monster cinema.

So: A thoroughly satisfying classic.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #82: Pig Hunt (2008)

2010-11-21T21:40:00.003-05:00

Fangoria Magazine's foray into horror film production is a welcome experiment. Of the handful of films they've produced so far, I've only managed to see Pig Hunt because I was drawn to the dark and epic boar on the cover.

I'd heard it said that with Pig Hunt, the filmmakers realised that having a giant boar as a nemesis makes for demanding special effects, so they decided to throw a bunch of other dangerous obstacles in their way. Rednecks. Dangerous hippies. Lesser boars. This is for the most part effective, but in the end I found myself wanting Moby Dick in the forest far too much to reach any full appreciation.

The soundtrack is pretty nifty thanks to it having been partially composed by slap-bass demi-god Les Claypool, of Primus fame. He's also in the movie, as a violent redneck priest. The only kind of redneck priest, I suppose.

The giant pig, once it hits, is puppetous and satisfying for it. In general, if you've got the choice between low-budge CGI or low-budge practical effects, you'd better pick the latter. At the very least, your actors have something physical to contend with. Who doesn't want to watch a giant and slimy pig puppet crunch into a human being?

So: Has its moments, but the characters are mostly boring. This one's a maybe.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #103: The Maltese Falcon (1941)

2010-11-16T17:17:00.013-05:00

When a dame walks into Sam Spade's detective office and says she's got a problem, he and his partner take interest and help her out. Unfortunately Spade's partner meets a dead end (get it?) that night and Spade has to go on without him, figuring out what several men, this dame and a statue called The Maltese Falcon have in common. It's a great detective picture and film noir - fit for its time and well worth your time. It has all you need: a beautiful woman, ugly men, Humphrey Bogart, intrigue and guns. As usual, Bogart gives a top notch performance, with the perfect mixture of charming potential lover and cynical, yet still honourable, detective. Bogart is at the epitome of his own persona in this film, along with Howard Hawks' The Big Sleep (another fantastic film.) Others in the cast include siren, dame and love interest Mary Astor, and Peter Lorre (originally László Löwenstein of Austria and Fritz Lang's M) plays his usual foreigner as Joel Cairo, who attempts to get his hands on the statue. How does the mystery resolve? Who dies and who lives? Will Spade end up with the woman or die the same way as his partner? Give this great classic a shot and find out for yourself.

New to the Store: Week of 16 Nov 2010: He Doesn't Need a Name to Make You Dead

2010-11-16T13:20:00.002-05:00

NEW RELEASES

Aaah! Zombies!!

Captain Abu Raed

Christmas Carol, A (2010) (also BluRay)

Crime, A

Doctor Who: Series 5

Don't Look Back (Ne te retourne pas)

Door, The

Fear Me Not

Four-Faced Liar, The

Is It Just Me?

Kids Are All Right, The

Last Airbender, The (also BluRay)

Nature of Existence, The

Office, The: Overtime (Digital Shorts Collection)

Republic of Doyle: Season 1

RoboGeisha

Ticked Off Trannies with Knives

Vengeance

Why Lie? I Need a Drink

NEW ARRIVALS

Forbidden Dreams

Lemon Grove Kids Meet the Monsters, The

Metropolis: "Complete" Edition

Monte Walsh

Night of the Hunter, The (Criterion) (also BluRay)

Puppet Master Collection v.1 (Puppet Master / Puppet Master 2: His Unholy Creations / Puppet Master 3: Toulon's Revenge)

Puppet Master Collection v.2 (Puppet Master 4: The Demon / Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter / Puppet Master 6: Curse of the Puppet Master)

Puppet Master Collection v.3 (Puppet Master 7: Retro Puppet Master / Puppet Master: The Legacy / Puppet Master: Axis of Evil)

Rest Stop: The Collection (Dead Ahead / Don't Look Back)

Sexy Radio

Van Damme Collection (Bloodsport / Time Cop)

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #81: Blue Planet (2001)

2010-11-11T15:44:00.004-05:00

This BBC series apparently five years in the making is narrated by none other than the nature doc legend himself, David Attenborough. His wisened voice has lent itself well to the nature documentary for some time, and does no disservice to the sea. If you haven't treated yourself to a lengthy and thoroughly entertaining series like this yet, you better get on that while there are still animals in the ocean to appreciate.

As you'd expect, you'll be given stunning footage of the intricacies of undersea life, running through the various kinds of sea environments that the world has to offer. You'll be given footage and information that might even turn off the squeamish - nature, children's stories tell us, isn't exactly nice, or unfalteringly pretty. Easy to forget, but the series will offer up some firm reminders that majesty is a thing of power, and power is very often a thing of violence. When you're not seeing amazing beauty, you might be seeing killer whales play tennis with a baby seal, or the eggy, undulating jangly bits of lobsters ready to give birth.

So: Awesome. An emotional roller coaster at times, but in the healthiest way.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #80: Until The Light Takes Us (2008)

2010-11-11T14:27:00.004-05:00

I'd heard about a handful of documentaries that have popped up over the past two or three years tackling Norwegian black metal and its turbulent history as their subject. When one actually appeared in front of me after I drew a pentagram in ketchup on the floor and lit some scented candles, I decided to give it a watch. Being big on Norwegian black metal myself, I was wary of being sold a cheap hunk of fan-service meant to do little more than nod in my direction for an hour and 20.

Opening up the DVD package I found a pretentious little booklet with a glowing review, an essay by the directors telling you what theoretical approach to use while watching, and a Fredric Jameson quote. Huh. Unexpected. But I should have expected this - with black metal having become a satanic farce, there's been a real push among aficionados to re-contextualise the subgenre and understand it as a clear instance of youth culture. And, moreover, as punk did before it, be recognised as a viable movement with an ethos of its own.

I'm happy to report that Until The Light Takes Us doesn't hammer that notion down into your skull as fiercely as the booklet does. Instead it follows the daily lives of four or five key figures in black metal history - of special note, Fenriz of Darkthrone and Varg Vikernes of Burzum, the latter of which was, at the time of filming, still in jail for murder and the arson of historic church sites. Other figures from the metal scene of the period pop in and out of the film, but the most engrossing portraits are found in those main two. They are old friends and they haven't spoken to each other in years. They don't come together in the film, as there is a palpable sadness that forces them to leave it all to time. It culminates during a scene where Fenriz is shown footage, shown earlier, of Varg speaking well of him and his music, but Varg, as always, is possessed by a persecution complex, and you can hear the accusation of abandonment in his voice. Fenriz actually holds back tears and laments over the past with little word.

There's a lot of psychoses on display in the film. His obsession with persecution aside, Varg hints at anti-semitism, Hellhammer explicitly approves of the killing of homosexuals, Fenriz tries to figure out where it all went sour, and a younger black metaller takes part in an ultra grim performance art piece proposed by a local painter. All reflect on what the genre is supposed to be about, and their points slowly converge. When all is said and done, we've been given a look at the really interesting and sympathetic people that invented a new mode of metallic expression, and the really interesting and awful ones that are an inseparable part of it too.

For black metal fans, you'll get the bonus of seeing intimate interviews with people you've probably mostly read about, and rare rehearsal footage you might have never seen before.

So: Surprisingly good. Worth a watch for fans and non-fans alike.

New to the Store for the Week of 9 November: The Blood-Soaked Fists of Friendship

2010-11-09T13:58:00.003-05:00

NEW RELEASES

Antichrist (also BluRay)

Bodybuilder and I, The

Californication: Season 3

Charlie St. Cloud

Detroit Metal City

God Delusion Debate, The

Grown Ups (also BluRay)

Hush! (UK)

Ice Blues

Lie to Me: Season 2

Light Gradient

Love Ranch

Lovely, Still

Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated

Pere de mes enfants, Le (The Father of My Children)

Ramona and Beezus

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (also BluRay)

Sherlock: Season 1

Stuck (Balderson)

Superman/Shazam: The Return of Black Adam

Three and Out

3 Saisons

Tudors, The: Final Season

Unfaithful

Wild Hunt, The

Zombie Girl

NEW ARRIVALS

Bill Moyers on Faith and Reason

MST3K: Bride of the Monster

MST3K: Devil Doll

MST3K: Devil Fish

MST3K: Robot Monster

Shaolin Mantis

Shaolin Rescuers

Soul of the Sword

Subspecies I-III

Maggie 2010: An Evening of Atheism and Faith

2010-11-07T10:48:00.005-05:00

#117. The God Delusion Debate

I'm a secular humanist--an atheist, that is, who much prefers self-identifying by what I do believe in, and not by what I don't. I also use the term "secular humanist" to emphasize a broader community--of Christian humanists, Jewish humanists, Muslim humanists, etc--with which I ally myself over nihilists of any stripe, even atheistic ones. For this reason, despite thoroughly enjoying Dawkins' works on science and nature, I steered clear of The God Delusion, a work that explicitly argues (among other things) that even modest, personal theism is complicit in the atrocities of extremism. And yet I pounced on The God Delusion Debate the first chance I got.

The reason for this difference in reaction was that last word in the title: "debate." As it turned out, I was thoroughly looking forward to a fair discussion of The God Delusion, and the Fixed-Point Foundation, a Bible Belt organization committed to defending Christianity, seemed an especially intriguing choice to sponsor such an event. That said, I didn't know what to expect when Prof. Richard Dawkins and his opponent, John Lennox, a professor of mathematics at Oxford (and the philosophy of science at Green Templeton College) sat down with US Federal Judge William H. Pryor (moderator) to respond to each of the six theses of The God Delusion. Nonetheless, while the very existence of this civil public debate in its part of the world was impressive, I was rather immediately disappointed by limitations in structure that stripped the whole affair of any status of true debate.

Though the host of the event alluded to "Christian charity" in giving Dawkins the first and the final word of the night, the actual "debate" involved Pryor reading an excerpt from The God Delusion, then Dawkins being given five minutes to expand upon that quotation, and finally Lennox responding to the topic for five minutes, before all parties were expected to move on to the next thesis. Very quickly, this became a very unsatisfactory structure for thoughtful discourse, as Lennox's counters would invariably leave tremendous points of contention that Dawkins then struggled to answer in the five minutes allocated to his explication of the next thesis topic. Later in the "debate," the awkward format of the affair also left Lennox attempting to juggle response with thoughtful comment on the next thesis--to the extent, even, that his closing remarks were abbreviated to a mere two minutes, out of deference to the live TV audience also tuning in.

Pryor himself observed, late in the evening, that their time "has been used a lot by free exchange," but while this comment was made as gentle reprimand toward both debating parties for regular breeches of the event's bizarre debating structure, it was precisely the lack of free exchange that so weakened the experience as a whole.

However, the structure of the event was not its only weakness. Despite being an advocate of Dawkins, and never having encountered Lennox before, I must say that Lennox was easily the more composed of the two, while Dawkins, clearly uncomfortable with the format of the night's events, spoke with a startling vagueness for which he can only hold himself accountable. More puzzling yet, Dawkins even permitted, as the event progressed, an unfathomable slip regarding Hitler, such as perpetuates (by association with Stalin and Mao) a gross misunderstanding among many Bible Belt theists about the religious beliefs Nazism took to such monstrous extremes. Certainly, Dawkins grew more confident and coherent as the debate progressed (and indeed, as he and Lennox pushed the event's format to its limits), but Lennox scored more clear wins (by applause alone) in the audience, and for me, at least, Dawkin's explanations for his more steadfast and extreme statements in The God Delusion went weakly answered in the course of the actual event.

Would I recommend this film to others? Absolutely--but more as a teaching tool, a clear demonstration of why true debate is so important, and why no cult of ideology should ever blind any of us to the importance of good, strong argument. As Winston Churchill once said, "There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear." The God Delusion Debate is rife with these--but also, I hope, the seed of more thoughtful and truly engaged debates to come.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #79: Mystery Science Theater 3000: Santa Claus (1959, MST3K Version in 1993)

2010-11-04T13:44:00.006-04:00

Forever at war.

Not sure what MST3k is? Read this first!

Apparently Santa was not in high standing in Mexico in '59. El Santo certainly was, but Santa and Christmas were, it was felt, a distinctly American tradition that had little place in the imaginations of Mexican children. How best to sell the Santa meme to Mexico? Why, the only way to properly bridge the gap is to put Santa in the service of god! You know, make him lock horns with satan and his minions! Kid movie stuff. The MST crew have a field day.

Santa lives in a cloud fortress made of crystal and filled with surreal anthropomorphic contraptions that monitor Earth. These contraptions were made by none other than fucking Merlin. Merlin lives in the fortress with Santa. Oh, and an army of 6 year old toy-making workers from every nation on the planet. These must be the purest child-souls to be found on Earth, to be working for god's newest general in a magic cloud city. The elves are nowhere to be found, and this will be a strange movie indeed. I can only assume that they, like the angels before them, grew jealous and rebelled and were cast down amidst the fire.

Soon enough we get a bizarre sequence with Santa playing organ and singing along with each nation's representatives in turn, and let me tell you, it is a badly dubbed buffet of racial stereotyping.

I'd have to say this episode possesses one of my favourite MST3K moments to date, a moment where the clockwork reindeer, having just been awakened from their year-long slumber, begin to laugh along with a merry Santa. Now, the reindeer's jaws open and shut in a jerking, string-pulled fashion and they can never blink. Their laugh grows into what I'm sure is an unintentionally disturbing cackle, a cackle the guys of course are compelled, in the evil spirit of Christmas, to join in on. It then becomes an unholy chorus of laughter akin to the scene in Evil Dead where Ash has his first true mental breakdown.

It's possibly the most offensive MST I've seen, and certainly one of the darkest. Given the subject matter of the film in front of them, the boys aren't afraid to make fun of every national culture they can think of in the name of fairness and in step with the flick, and poke fun at the rammed down your throat religiosity and fear of hell that this film tries to install into children.

So: Pretty damn awesome. Still with a bit a Hallowe'en in the brain yet ready for Christmas, this might be perfect for you sinners.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #78: The Mummy's Hand (1940)

2010-11-04T12:27:00.003-04:00

Continuing my march into monster movie mania, The Mummy's Hand!

A lot of light comedy and not as much hammy horror as I had hoped. You do get a bit of it though - the sort where there's a slow-moving monster creeping closer and closer to a half-asleep love interest and EEEEEEEEK other love interest bursts in and BLAM BLAM but too late! Her dad is maybe dead but no he's just knocked out cold and she's gone! Oh noes! If only it had more of that and the lurchy dusty mummy responsible for the whole mess it might have been worth sitting through. We've seen the mummy before, we don't really need him saved up for a big reveal or final act. Turn it loose. Let the new Egyptian empire begin its ancient reign of terror anew! Bricka bracka firecracka' siss boom bah! Go Mummy Go, Amun-Ra-Ra-Ra!

Instead you'll have some dull character set-up that ends up accomplishing little by the time the curse hits home. A good chunk of the movie is spent on a magician character's various parlour tricks, or rather, the edits that make them work. A buffoony support character practices one of tricks throughout the first half of the movie so he could, I thought, use it at an opportune moment and save the day later. Turns out it was just filler. Like the stock footage they used from the first movie with Boris Karloff edited out.

So: Not terribly worth it.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #102: Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

2010-11-03T21:15:00.012-04:00

When a dreaded witch sees the charming wizard Howl flirting with a young woman named Sofi, she curses her, turning the girl into an old woman. I find Hayao Miyazaki's Howl's Moving Castle remarkable because it's a film geared towards kids, but it has more substance and heart than most "adult" films I know. It's filled with hope, romance, magic and fear, not to mention a thousand other possible descriptors. It makes me feel as though I'd have to see it again before being able to write a proper review.

I will say, however, that I have long ceased to listen to people who say that cartoons as a whole aren't as worthwhile or developed as live action films, and this one in particular serves as a wonderful example. Apart from its subject matter, it is a beautiful film, brimming with stunning images, and capable of rivalling many live action cinematographers. Sofi's story is one that intends not only to amaze with adventure, but to show that the heart matters far more than beauty. This is a message that I think children (and adults) should take to heart, and hopefully showing them this and others of Miyazaki's films can help all people towards understanding the human spirit a little more.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #101: Duck Soup (1933)

2010-11-02T16:27:00.008-04:00

The Marx Brothers are pretty renowned for having a high standard of classic slapstick and intelligent quick-talking humour. Most people would at least recognize Groucho, even if they couldn't name him on the spot. I only remember bits and pieces of my first Marx Brothers movie, Horse Feathers, but I remember having fun, and that's what comedy's all about. Duck Soup was the last of the Marx Brothers films to feature all four brothers: Groucho, Harpo, Chico and Zeppo. In it, Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho) becomes president of Freedonia after the excessively rich Mrs. Teasdale declares she won't provide money for the bankrupt country until Firefly is in office. His antics include insulting Teasdale without hesitation while simultaneously flattering in an attempt to gain her fortune, appointing a street vendor Secretary of War, and starting a war with neighbouring Sylvania. One of my favourite scenes is depicted in the picture above, where Harpo's character perfectly mimics Firefly, convincing him he's looking into a mirror. Each movement is perfectly timed and executed, and it has been (as Wikipedia tells me) copied by several other comics including The Three Stooges, Bugs Bunny and the crew from Family Guy.

The film is thoroughly entertaining from beginning to end and I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a bit of classic, black and white comedy from a time when being funny was a talent and not a Hollywood-devised calculation.

New to the Store: Week of 2 November

2010-11-02T15:07:00.002-04:00

NEW RELEASES

Blanc comme neige (White As Snow)

Cars Toon: Mater's Tall Tales (also BluRay)

Centurion

Everyone Else

Giallo

Love and Distrust

Metalocalypse: Season 3

Noise

Pacific, The: Complete Series (also BluRay)

Passion and Power: The Technology of Orgasm

Plan B

Skeletons

Smash his Camera

Star Wars: Clone Wars: Season 2

This Movie Is Broken

Toy Story 3 (also BluRay)

V: Season 1

Wallander: Series 2

Way We Get By, The

Wild Grass

You Don't Know Jack

NEW ARRIVALS

Barcelona

Blast from the Past

Born to Fight Trilogy

Busty Bombshells of the Atomic Age

Gamera, Guardian of the Universe / Gamers 2: Attack of Legion

House (also BluRay)

Judge John Deed: Season 2

Kansas City Bomber

Larry Sanders Show, The: Season 2

Not of This Earth

Paths of Glory (Criterion) (also BluRay)

Seven Samurai (BluRay)

Terror Within, The / Dead Space

Titanic

Tropic of Cancer

Zizek!

Maggie 2010: Zombie Vs Zombie

2010-11-02T01:37:00.004-04:00

#115. Dead Outside

I sat down a couple weeks ago with two of the latest zombie/zombie-esque flicks that seemed to have similar plot-lines, because I'm all for movie death matches and hey! zombies! Enough said.

To this end, both The Dead Outside and Mutants follow a couple of survivors in an embedded post-apocalyptic scenario where huge swatches of the population are, at the very least, dead inside. In both films, other survivors enter the picture; and also in both films, the introduction of other people makes a real mess of things. (Preliminary conclusion: Be wary of strangers when surviving in a post-apocalyptic world.) Despite these similarities, however, the two films are very different -- both in breadth of execution, and in overall quality.

The first of these "zombie" flicks, The Dead Outside is very much an independent film, but I don't want to give it a pass on these grounds for some of its blatant weaknesses, including a script that features some rough transitions (the worst being a really painful line leading into a chunk of exposition) and a partiality for shots so darkly lit that it's often difficult to make out what's going on. (Read: One can use natural darkness effectively, by heightening our other sensory inputs [the chase scene in Dirty Harry comes especially to mind], but sadly, this wasn't done here.)

Strengths in this film by Kerry Anne Mullaney absolutely include the acting of lead survivor, April (Sandra Louise Douglas), who harbours a secret absolutely justifying her prickly reaction to outsiders when they emerge. Even Daniel (Alton Milne), the wayward traveller who finds the homestead she's been maintaining in the wake of a deadly infection, plays his wide-eyed role adequately. Furthermore, the secret the lead character harbours creates interesting opportunities to expand on zombie/rage virus canon -- but sadly, these aren't developed anywhere near as well as they could be. A third walks into the the two survivors' midst, stirs shit up for a while, and in the aftermath of all that hoopla more than a pleasing ambiguity remains regarding next steps. Indeed, the film ends on a meandering and lack-lustre note belying the promise of its premise (say that three times fast!), and seems very much a waste of some splendidly selected scenery and an exceptionally broody lead.

#116. Mutants

Mutants, on the other hand, harbours a very similar secret in the form of its lead character, Sonia (Hélène de Fougerolles), but this French film by David Morlet is executed with a mind to the well-tread canonical ground into which it ventures. Truly, some of the shots in this haunting film, which adopts underground, vehicular, and hospice locations to the credit of some exemplary attack sequences, call to mind the best and most disconcerting scenarios in the acclaimed Left 4 Dead series, and the variation of weapon choices also speaks to a writer and director well versed in zombie survival lore.

But most impressively of all, the human beings at the beginning of this film act like human beings -- which means sometimes people get shot up for No Good Reason, and yes! sometimes people make horrible, life-altering mistakes. Moreover, when the opening scenario occurs, setting into motion all of the events to follow, it isn't treated with over-the-top cinematic gravitas, but established above all for its senselessness. This is one director who truly understands that the greatest threat of all is always fellow human beings, and their propensity both for fear and for error.

Inevitably, not all points or characters in this film sustain that ridiculously high standard -- one female character verges on comical in her blatant adherence to sycophantic stereotype; one misunderstood villain is turned into an over-the-top hero -- but as poor lead male Marco (Francis Renaud) struggles to retain some semblance of dignity and humanity while turning into a monster, and Sonia struggles to protect both him and the greater social order in the aftermath of their stake-out for rescue, some truly high calibre shots, conversations, and ideas emerge. Mutants is a quality addition to a genre that has already seen a lot, and well worth a viewing by any committed zombie fan.

Mike D Watches a Movie #2: The Wicker Man (2006)

2010-11-02T00:38:00.006-04:00

What is this movie? Is it a thrilller? Is it horror? Is it comedy? I just don't know. Either way, it's a remake of the 1973 film starring Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee as a British detective and the lord of a pagan island off the coast of Scotland, respectively, but with Nicholas Cage as Edward and Ellen Burstyn as Lord Summersisle. While the original film was a rather interesting story about a Scottish police officer sent to investigate a case of a missing child on an island, who's deep Christian beliefs clash with those of the pagan islanders, the remake is just Nick Cage being a dick to people who's religion seems strange to him, while investigating a case brought to him on personal matters.

I really have a love-hate relationship with Nicholas Cage. I loved him in Raising Arizona and Kick Ass, and I hated him in Ghost Rider and Wild At Heart, so this movie really feels like the embodiment of my relationship with him. Some scenes, he plays his character very well, a police officer searching for his lost daughter on a mysterious island, and at other parts, I just want to laugh out loud at how ridiculous he's acting.

To classify this movie, I'd put it somewhere in the "Unintentional Comedy" category, along with the recent Dragonball: Evolution movie and Freddy Vs. Jason (although, that's debatable). It's good for a few cheap laughs, but all in all, it's not a very good movie. Watch it, laugh, then watch the original, because it will seem a whole lot better after this version. And remember, look out for the bees! The Bees!

Maggie 2010: HALLOWEEN PARTY SURVIVAL GUIDE

2010-10-30T01:23:00.006-04:00

So it's the day before Hallowe'en, and you're scrambling to finish your costume and get party supplies for tonight and tomorrow. Problem is, you're already hung over from Friday, and someone forgot to grab movie picks from Gen X a sensible time in advance--say, Wednesday, even Thursday, to beat the rush.

Now you know you're going to be shit out of luck for most of the new horror films--which is too bad, because Pig Hunt, about an epic quest for a mythic giant pig that takes its heroes into the realm of nympho pig worshippers, is just the right kind of ridiculous. And if you haven't seen The Human Centipede yet, what, are you living under a rock? A rock with no centipedes???

As for contemporary classics like Let the Right One In and Evil Dead: please. You'll be lucky if one of the sequels to Resident Evil or Underworld got left behind. (But check, just in case.)

Speaking of zombie films, there are some kick ass numbers out there. We've got every "of the dead" you can imagine -- including the more recent Survival of the Dead, but the zombie hit list also includes more sombre fare like Mutants (which is an awesome film, with really intelligent human interactions, but requires English subtitles, and for this reason might not do as well in a rowdy crowd), so wade carefully through piles of the dead!

So what do you do? Well, first you see if one of the Feast films is in--the series a clear party favourite because each film makes fun of its genre for you, leaving you with more time instead to say and do really dumb shit in the company of "friends" who may or may not help you puke into your porcelain god of choice a few hours down the line. You know, because that's always fun.

Still can't find a movie that's in? Cover all your mainstream bases by checking out the following:

1) Cabin Fever
2) Scream (It's better than you remember.)
3) Sleepaway Camp
4) Trick 'r Treat
5) Alien
6) Se7en

All out? That's cool. You know what works for parties? Vagina dentata. Say that three times without a shiver coursing down your spine, and then rent Teeth. It's awesome in crowds.

Too light-hearted? Check out my Staff Picks wall for The Orphanage. Del Toro loves killing children in his films, and damn, is he ever good at it.

Still too light and fluffy? You have two options:

1) Go gore-fest crazy: Dead Alive (you will NEVER look at zombies the same way again), Poultrygeist (you will NEVER look at fast-food the same way again), Ichi the Killer (you will NEVER look at people the same way again), or August Underground (you will NEVER... well, actually, it's hard to look at anything the same way after watching this: Win!); or

2) Go bizarre: Eurosleaze classic The Devil's Nightmare, Fulci's Zombi 2 (complete with a scene where a SHARK, A ZOMBIE, AND A NAKED CHICK FIGHT EACH OTHER UNDERWATER), Otto: Up with Dead People (note: read the case CAREFULLY before deciding to traumatize your friends with this one: the trick is not to let on how grossly inappropriate this film is until you're already halfway through, and there's no turning back!), or They Live! (for the glasses scene alone -- trust me, a clear crowd favourite for sheer ridiculousness, as all John Carpenter films are).

NO NO NO, you say: You've got it all wrong -- this is a CHILDREN'S party! A family-FRIENDLY affair! Don't you have something my kids can watch without wetting their beds after?

Fiiiiine:

1) Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit -- Delightful fun at the expense of misunderstood monster rabbits. WARNING: Many vegetables were harmed in the making of this film!
2) Arsenic and Old Lace -- A classic black-and-white flick about two sweet little old ladies and the dreadful menace they pose to lonesome gentlemen (complete with the ever-unsettling Peter Lorrie!)
3) The Dark Crystal -- You've never seen muppets so utterly terrifying.
4) Labyrinth -- You've never seen DAVID BOWIE so utterly terrifying.
5) It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown -- If you don't like Charlie Brown, well, you're just a bad person. The End.

BUT MAGGIE! you might then ask -- being kind and courteous that way -- if we're all renting these fantastically fun party films, what will YOU be watching for Halloween?

Good question! The answer: Kimjongilia: A documentary about the tyrannical dictatorship of Kim Jong Il, and the cult of personality that has allowed millions of people to have lived and died in fear, oppression, and almost complete isolation from the rest of the world.

Now THAT'S scary.

Happy Hallowe'en weekend, everyone!

Mike D Watches a Movie #1: 30 Days of Night: Dark Days

2010-10-29T15:19:00.002-04:00

Picking up one year after the events of the first film, Stella, the sole survivor of the vampire attack on Barrow, Alaska, has been traveling the world, telling the story of the events that happened there. Met with ridicule and laughter, she is about to give up, when she is met by 3 individuals who tell her that they can help her get revenge on Lillith, the vampire queen responsible for ordering the Barrow attack. The group ventures into the unused Los Angeles sewer system to hunt down the Queen.

There were a lot of things I liked about this movie, a lot of things I didn't like about this movie. What I did like was Lillith. She has got to be one of the creepiest movie villains I've seen in a long time. Everything about her invokes the fear that I associate with classic vampires. Her pale skin, cold dead eyes, and the creepy vampiric (or maybe eastern European?) language sent chills down my spine every time I saw her.

On the other side, the movie was very stop-and-start. It would be very high-action/suspenseful one minute, then almost instantly switch to scenes of failed attempts at character development, that, in my opinion, ruin the mood of the movie. Budget constraints and a few instances of bad acting also prevent this movie from reaching its potential.

In the end, I think it's worth seeing for no other reason that it reminds you that vampires can actually be scary, and not what's been making Stephanie Meyer money for the past few years.

There is some good action, some genuinely creepy scenes, and at least a few times where someone's face disappears as a result of bullets or cinder blocks, but I don't feel like it does a good job at following up from the first film.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #77: Frankenstein (1931)

2010-10-29T05:27:00.010-04:00

So much is different from the original story that comparing the two is a pretty good waste of time. This film exists as its own entity and really has a life of its own. Of the classic monster movies I've seen to date on my Hallowe'en trek, this one is by far the best. I daresay it's a masterpiece. At its heart it contains a 'who is really the monster' dynamic that has since become awfully trite, but in its original form still potent.

As if the hints of German Expressionism wasn't enough to catch my interest, much of the acting is actually pretty good, which, given the other classic Universal horror films I've watched, was a total surprise. Boris Karloff is fantastic as the monster, and it's easy to see how, I think after this film, he became a household name. His monster is incredibly sympathetic. After a sheltered and grim life filled with torture, the monster frees himself and escapes into the woods. There's an amazing scene where he finds a little girl. The little girl hands him a flower, and they sit down by a pond. She shows him how you can throw a flower into the water and watch it float gently along. The monster is so overjoyed to find something kind and delicate and beautiful in the world that it is genuinely tear-pulling when something goes wrong. He gets up, trying his best at laughter, and throws the little girl into the water because she's like a flower too. She drowns, and it's genuinely disturbing to see the monster's panicked reaction when he doesn't understand what's happened. I hadn't felt that stirred by a movie in a long time. I was really bothered by the moment.

Made before the motion picture code was actively enforced, you get some cinema that's not afraid to upset you. While the edges will sometimes show, the violence is shocking when it wants to be, and I found myself continuously surprised by what the film was prepared to do. The film bubbles with potential violence, and by the time the mob lights their torches, the loss of control that you didn't realise was creeping into your brain reaches its apex. People shout through the streets, dogs yelp, women and children cower on the sidelines, and the beast has been loosed on the monster. It was a torch that was initially used to torture the monster, and it's unsettlingly fitting that an army of them tries to flush him out of hiding, trap him, and set him ablaze. Karloff's thrashing screams while the flames rise about him will stick with me for awhile.

Also surprising, I'm noticing that the female characters in these early monster movies aren't as helpless as I expect them to be, and I wonder if that had anything to do with the code as well. They're not neutered characters, and rigid gender roles don't seem to have been installed as safety mechanisms yet. The women in these films are just as sensible as the men, and they aren't afraid to speak their mind. In the years to come, that wouldn't be the case for quite a while. Hell, it's mostly not the case in films today.

Despite all of the injustice in the film, it's hard to really hate anyone in it save for an annoying comic relief character I'll just ignore. The monster is understandable, Dr. Frankenstein is understandable, the angry torch-wielding village folk are understandable, and even the abusive Fritz is understandable. He's a deformed hunchback that Dr. Frankenstein treated like shit. Of course he was going to whip the monster and burn him when Frankenstein wasn't looking. Nobody's really to blame in this film, which makes it so remarkable. It ends off remarkably too, with an an ironic ending that presses home the severe tragedy at the centre of the film.

So: Fantastic. I expected an iconic cheese-fest and got a dramatic masterpiece that probably made it to my list of favourite films.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #76: The Mummy (1932)

2010-10-29T04:18:00.011-04:00

Still going on my Hallowe'en kick and finally getting around to seeing the great monster classics of film history. I had decided a few weeks back that I was going to go for a classic costume this year, and I settled on the one that (I won't call the Invisible Man a monster, he was just a big jerk) is probably talked about the least: the Mummy!

You're probably familiar with the Brendan Fraser Mummy from 1999. I'll pause to shudder for a sec. It lifted some elements from the original Mummy, namely the fact that there's a guy named Imhotep that fell in love with the Pharaoh's daughter. She died. Then his love drove him to seek out forbidden rituals and raise her from the dead, but he was caught, and soon sentenced to be buried alive and partially mummified. A terrible curse was laid down upon his tomb.

Made a year after the success of Dracula and featuring much of the same cast and crew, The Mummy doesn't possess the same magic but manages to be a pretty cool flick for a number of reasons. I guess I'll tell you what those might be, since this is a review and I only get fed my fish heads if I write a review. I also might get my beloved red bouncy ball back.

For starters, I saw this film before I watched the historic Frankenstein, and this was my first run in with the real Boris Karloff. I find that I love Boris Karloff. He's starring as Imhotep, and his rigid creepiness, sullen voice, and gaunt face have all been parodied so often that I felt immediately familiar with him. It was a treat to finally see the icon at work.

Secondly, like with Dracula, I was surprised to find an interesting female character, this time one both alluring, evasively clever, and amazingly unafraid to refer, just once, to sex. She's played by Broadway actress Zita Johann, who was actually seriously interested in the spiritualism of the occult and took her role perhaps a little too seriously. There's a famous scene in the movie where she dies in a past life. She reportedly fainted for real in that scene, after a strenuous day of filming without much food or water thanks to the director's cruel and ridiculous feud with her.

Now, the plot is almost identical to the plot of Dracula. We get the dude who played Van Helsing playing Doctor Muller, who is, like Van Helsing, a master of occult lore and adept at fighting the supernatural. He helps everybody out when shit hits the fan. Like Dracula, the Mummy seems to be after a young woman in Muller/Van Helsing's care. Imhotep also seems to be able to control people's minds, like Dracula could, by staring hard at them. What makes him different, though, is motive. The man isn't entirely evil, he's just obsessed with a love he couldn't attain. That's all. Leave him alone, you guys.

I was hoping, especially for my costume research, to get some serious dusty cloth-wrapped mummy action. Sadly there is virtually none in the first Mummy. Instead you get a slightly wrinkly Boris Karloff, who has inexplicably been restored to much of his living health. There's no lurching violence, but there are a few ancient Egyptian spells used to wreak some havoc.

So: A cool piece of monster history, if not as great as other first monster appearances. Certainly better than most Monster Movie sequels to come. The Mummy manages to hold his own. Also, look at this:

Wendy's Films of 2010 #100: Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

2010-10-28T21:51:00.010-04:00

This may be the first film I watched after getting my wisdom teeth out back in May, but I definitely remember it clearly as I often do with films I thoroughly enjoy. I'm glad that this film, my 100th, is one that I sincerely liked.

Kind Hearts and Coronets is the story of a young man whose mother is shunned by her aristocratic family after marrying a man of lower means. As her son, Louis, grows older and his mother dies (her family denying her dying wish) he begins to plot towards inheriting his family's dukedom. The only trouble is, there are 12 others in his way.

The film has the perfect level of black humour as Louis simultaneously begins to elevate his position in society and terminate members of his rich, upper-class family, almost all played by the genius Alec Guinness. Each death is planned to comedic and undetectable perfection and Guinness's portrayal of 8 different characters ranging from a middle-aged woman to several men, young and old simply blows my mind. Of course, the complications come with women, and Louis finds himself in some potential trouble after a former lover reenters his life. As for his fate, you'll have to wait and discover it in the film's clever and artful ending, definitely one of the best I've seen in recent memory.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #99: The Wolfman (2010)

2010-10-28T01:29:00.004-04:00

Quite a while back (I'm talking mid-May) I watched a film called The Wolfman. Now I made the mistake of later telling Mike and Chris that the movie wasn't "that bad;" I may have said it "wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." They took this as my endorsement and decided to watch the film for themselves. For several weeks afterwards I was harassed for suggesting the film was watchable, and anything I said wouldn't relieve me of their constant (albeit joking) persecution. I am now able to say that upon reflection I realize suggesting the movie wasn't that bad was likely a terrible idea, though I'm unused to them taking my opinion on any movie to heart. I think I even remember Mike jokingly saying he'd considered firing me after seeing my list of top 10 films...

Now! All commentary on the events surrounding my viewing of the Wolfman aside, I would like to say I do not recommend this film. It is not particularly well-acted, the CGI as Chris mentions in his review (linked above) is quite terrible, and the ending is inadequate. I can say that some will like this movie, obviously my employers are not among them; and though my dislike of the film isn't nearly as intense as theirs, I am also to be included in those who are not fans of the film. It may look neat in the trailer, but the film itself lacks any charm that the original had. I can say, however, that I did like Emily Blunt's acting, as I often do.

Maggie 2010: Kiyoshi Kurosawa, Part II

2010-10-27T01:01:00.011-04:00

#114. Seance

I entered the world of Kiyoshi Kurosawa's films seeking a deeper understanding of the most striking motifs in Asian horror -- the designer labels, as it were, that trickle down into the off-the-racks imagery of Ringu, Ju-On, and Dark Water. My first stab at Kurosawa's canon, Cure, gave me confidence in his strength as a director, but did little to quench my curiosity about Asian horror mythology itself. Seance, on the other hand, was nigh on perfect in that regard.

However, I should stress first that Seance is not (for me) a perfect film in and of itself. This is because I put a lot of stock into the ease with which any one film allows me to suspend belief in its causality--namely, to accept the rules of the distinct world I'm occupying for an hour and a half. But with Seance, these mechanics seemed to change without clear justification around the halfway mark, and while I understood by the end of the film what Kurosawa wanted us to see as an inevitable series of events, that inevitability was not as clearly wrought throughout as it could have been.

For some context to that last paragraph, the film's premise is fairly simple: Junko and Sato are a modest couple--Sato (Koji Yakusho), working in sound production for a TV station; his wife (Jun Fubuki), a genuine psychic with few opportunities to exploit her abilities. While reluctant to help a researcher interested in her gift, Junko leaps (passively, almost imperceptibly) on an opportunity to lift the burden of household finances from her husband when a missing person's case comes her way. When the missing child conveniently escapes from her kidnapper only to end up in Sato's sound equipment, Junko sees this, too, as an opportunity to establish herself and start the money train rolling. Fortune does not, however, favour her daring or her cunning--and least of all the poor, wayward child.

This is the playing field into which some truly marvellous deconstructions of Asian horror archetype emerge--everything from the spooky crawling form of a child (is it alive? is it dead?) up a flight of stairs, to spirits haunting the living on a deeply personal level (are they real, or are they just manifestations of guilt?), to the staple "face obscured by hair" shot that's pretty much iconic in Asian horror. Kurosawa even goes so far as to directly address a central conceit of many Asian horror films, in a dialogue between husband and wife where both agree that their desire to deviate from the norm, the social expectation of living a mundane and unremarkable life, is what has led them to utter ruin.

But while all these archaeological details are a sheer delight, and themselves wholly merit viewing the film, I still find such a lack of clear causal relationships in Seance, especially on the part of the wife, as makes it impossible to get fully behind this film. I recognize that many of these difficulties are cultural (I disliked Ringu for the sheer passivity of the female lead, but absolutely cede the point that the widespread expectation of a passive female in that context was meant to make her rare proactive moments even more striking to viewers), but a few incongruities also seem to surpass common sense.

Why, for instance, did it take so long for husband and wife to realize they'd need to hide their identities from the child for their plan to work? What signs did viewers get that the husband was so burdened by his work it had become utterly, immediately imperative that his wife strive to free him from his day job? And let's just say it: Why the hell didn't the little girl call attention to her presence in Sato's box when he moved it to his trunk? ("Fear of men after just being kidnapped" doesn't work: she got into the box knowing full well it belonged to a man. Hell, to that end, why didn't she just say "Mister! Mister! My kidnapper's chasing me!" when she spied Sato at work in the woods? Because that would have made for a very short movie, of course.)

That said, Kurosawa has an impeccably measured style, and many of his shots are extremely thought-provoking. From what I could see in Seance, his use of horror archetype is quite serious and mature, and in this sense a real treat. Yes, I have reservations about the consistency of his characters' moral engines, but no question exists in my mind regarding Kurosawa's talent as a maker of fine, suspenseful films.

Maggie 2010: Kiyoshi Kurosawa, Part I

2010-10-26T14:39:00.006-04:00

#113. Cure

If the phrase "Cerulean blue is like a gentle breeze" is familiar to you, you already understand the concept behind Cure, Kiyoshi Kurosawa's elegant 1997 psychological thriller about a series of murders carried out by a gamut of strangers on their loved ones--and one man's power of suggestion behind it all. The murders all follow the same gruesome slash pattern about the neck and chest, but their culprits, all caught near the scene, cannot recall why they've done what they've done. Detective Kenichi Takabe (Koji Yakusho) and psychologist Makoto Sakuma (Tsuyoshi Ujiki) join together to find the link between these seemingly unrelated attacks, hitting at last upon the story of an unnamed drifter who has passed into and out of all their lives.

One strength of this film, which first saw Kurosawa's fame as a director spread to mainstream North America in 2001, lies in how little the thrill of the hunt, a classic element in many criminal horrors, plays into Cure's resolution: rather, the Detective finds his man, an apparent amnesiac who invariably turns interrogation back onto the interrogator, halfway through the film. "Who are you?" the enigmatic hypnotist keeps asking, attempting the same techniques on the Detective that have turned so many other, mild-mannered men against their partners in the past.

From this point on a different kind of hunt is at play, as the supposed amnesiac hints at a clear philosophy behind his actions, a conviction that no man can be made to do what he does not already wish to, at least somewhere deep inside. The stakes of such a statement are made even higher by the Detective's personal circumstances, his wife struggling with a mental illness that requires all his off-hours attention. Of all the victims that have preceded him, with loving, doting wives and partners all their own, surely this "burden" above all others should make the Detective easy prey for the drifter's power of suggestion.

And so an expertly drawn battle of wills, oriented around a few serious questions of personal culpability and the power of suggestion, ensues. But while the conclusion might seem obvious, the path Kurosawa takes to get us there most definitely is not. This was my starting point to Kurosawa's work, and I most certainly do not regret entering his world here.

New to the Store: Week of 26 October

2010-10-26T13:08:00.001-04:00

NEW RELEASES

Assault Girl

Bikini Bloodbath Christmas

Clapham Junction

Colin

Dead Outside, The

Deleted Scenes

Eulogy for a Vampire

Girl who Played with Fire, The (also BluRay)

I Am Love

Infidel, The

Make Out with Violence

My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done

Pax Americana and the Weaponization of Space

Sex and the City 2 (also BluRay)

South of the Border

Staunton Hill

Subprime

Until the Light Takes Us

Venture Bros.: Season 4

Wah Do Dem

Whistler, The (Siffleur, Le)

Winter's Bone

NEW ARRIVALS

8 Diagram Pole Fighter

Bisbee Cannibal Club, The

Closer, The: Season 4

Drive-In Cult Classics (Teacher, The / Pick-Up / Sister-in-Law, The / Stepmother, The / Trip with the Teacher / Best Friends / Cindy and Donna / Malibu High)

Drive-In Cult Classics v.3 (Babysitter, The / Weekend with the Babysitter / Pink Angels, The / Blood Mania / Single Room Furnished / Van Nuys Blvd. / Pom Pom Girls, The / Malibu Beach)

Girl from S.I.N. / Henry's Night In

Gondoliers, The

Kansas City

Perfect Murder, A / Murder by Numbers / Murder in the First

Sleazy 70s Stags

Superstarlet A.D.

Toto nella luna (Toto in the Moon)

Zombie Christ

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #75: Mystery Science Theater 3000: Night of the Blood Beast (1958, MST3K Version in 1996)

2010-10-22T14:03:00.008-04:00

I've probably made reference to MST3k in other reviews and explained its basic concept, but now that I finally come to review one of their many, many episodes I'll give your lovely heart a refresher.

Dr. Forrester is an evil crazy-go-mad scientist who has decided that he wants to rule the world. But to do that, he is certain that he must break the will of earth's populace. The most obvious way to do this is to force them to watch the most incompetent, most embarrassing, most boring films ever made by their own feeble human hands. Naturally, this procedure should be tested first in a controlled environment. So Dr. Forrester kidnaps his laboratory janitor, Joel, and jettisons him into the seclusion of his secret space station, the Satellite of Love. He sends Joel awful movies and monitors the man's brain - but what's this? He manages to stay sane somehow! The key to Joel's survival is that he makes fun of the cinematic shit he's sent with the help of two robot friends he constructed from satellite parts. In the series, you get to watch the awful films Dr. Forrester sends with Joel and the bots riffing and cracking jokes all the while. Its like watching a terrible movie with some hilarious friends, the sort that makes any movie experience ten times better.

There's tons of episodes, and each one is an entire film minus the 15 or 20 minutes trimmed for the sake of the MST3k sketches that pepper the show. Some episodes are a great success, some are not, since some films just are so terrible that the MST crew can't win. Night of the Blood Beast, though, is fantastic. It comes from season 8 of the series and is probably one of the best episodes I've seen. Night of the Blood Beast is a Roger Corman wonder, filled with lots of dull walking scenes, awful dialogue, sci fi pontification, and rubbery alien monsters. The boys are in great riffing form, and I ended up laughing out loud, or LOLing if you will, more than once. I tend not to LOL when watching comedies, and usually just smirk and chuckle ever so slightly. This is due to the terrible burden I carry, the alien shrimps gestating within me. I identified with the astronaut in Night of the Blood Beast completely.

So: Wicked-awesome. This one features Mike instead of Joel, who is, I think, my favourite of the two Forrester victims.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #74: Babylon 5 - Season 1 (1994)

2010-10-21T20:50:00.008-04:00

I'm sure some of you know this series well. It's a TV series that's held in pretty high esteem by a great many, myself included.

This review will be for two sorts of people. One is the sort that has seen some of the first season and said to themselves "this is a piece of shit and I hate your guts J. Michael Straczynski" and stopped watching. The other is the sort that say to themselves, every year or so, "I should probably get around to watching that crazy Babylonia 18 show that my nerd friends talk about too often."

The concept is this: Babylon 5 is earth's greatest achievement - a massive space station in distant and neutral space built to function as a centre of commerce and diplomacy between the various alien races of the galaxy. Lots of politics, fantastic character drama, and, about 2 seasons in, grand and poetic space opera of the best kind. Probably 70 percent of the series was written all at once as what creator Straczynski calls a telenovel, and benefits greatly from having had a start and finish already intricately planned by the time the pilot hit the airwaves.

Babylon 5 tries very hard not to be Star Trek, and does pretty damn well in its goal. B5 isn't afraid to give you alien races that are much more alien than your average Trek alien. Communication between alien cultures is often very strained. There's a large mantis-like insect that's top gangster in the shady areas of the station, and a tentacle-faced Cthulu-type alien that only eats decaying food because they evolved from a scavenging animal. In general, the skull shapes and faces of the alien races are a bit more varied than you're used to in other shows.

This doesn't always make for a good first impression however. You have to get over your initial knee-jerk this-is-not-like-startrek reaction and adapt to the different flavour. Star Trek has had a monopoly on sci fi television for so long that any series that isn't Star Trek wears its invisible shackles. If you had caught any episodes of the series during its run in the 90s, you probably saw a dude with hair like a paper fan and changed the channel. On its surface, and because of season 1's terrible budget, the show can look pretty silly at times. The CGI stuff didn't look good, and the sets looked dreadfully cheap. Michael O'Hare's lead act as Captain Sinclair is embarrassing, and he manages to ruin almost every scene that reaches for emotional force. Once he leaves in season 2, the series takes a serious upturn. So season 1 is pretty terrible, but there's enough important information and character set-up that unfortunately makes it necessary to watch. Now and again you'll get a winning episode, one that hints at the bigger picture to come in later seasons, but for the most part season 1 is comprised of forgettable little one-offs.

So: Placing the 'recommended' tag on this review was a strange decision, but for the awesomeness of what is to come, it must be so written. And the fan hair will grow on you once you realise how fucking awesome Londo Mollari is.

New to the Store: Week of 19 October

2010-10-19T13:18:00.001-04:00

Agora

Apocalypse Now (Original/Redux) (BluRay)

Being Human: Season 2

Death Kappa

Doctor Who: Dreamland

Fruit Fly

Holy Rollers

How to Train Your Dragon (also BluRay)

Mafia Principle of Global Hegemony, The (Chomsky)

Mein Kampf

Oceans (Disneynature) (also BluRay)

Perrier's Bounty

Predators (also BluRay)

Redeemer, The: Son of Satan

Rocky Horror Picture Show, The (BluRay)

String, The

Sun Behind the Clouds: Tibet's Struggle for Freedom

Tales from the Golden Age

Teenager Hamlet

Theater of War

Top Gear 13

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #73: Amazons (1986)

2010-10-14T12:02:00.012-04:00

High adventure in progress.

This wildly entertaining sword and sorcery flick, like most of them, comes to us from the dark and time-fogged forests of the 1980s. Under the supreme command of dread mogul Roger Corman, a screenplay was commissioned to Charles Saunders, who based his script off a short story he wrote for an anthology called, coincidentally, Amazons!. So that Amazons! was apparently the first significant anthology of fantasy works using female protagonists and written by a mostly female cast of authors. You'd expect, then, that the Amazons under review is an interesting feministical text where warrior women fight for equality and independence in a harsh and largely masculine world, right? Well yeah you get that. Only with boobs. Lots of boobs. This is a film, after all, and it is common knowledge that only films with boobs do well. I remind you of Titanic.

If you've seen as many 80s sword and sorcery movies as I have, you might recognise these common links:

There will be a scene where a woman takes off her top.
There will be a scene where women are swimming naked in a river and are being watched by drooling pervs.
There will be a scene with sex in it.
It is made in Argentina.

We will not be given armour or be clothed against the elements.

Amazons is of course about a tribe of warrior women. They are under the command of a queen who rules over a kingdom currently under siege by an evil wizard named Kalungo. When I hear the name Kalungo I can't help but imagine a cute baby elephant, a born in captivity type that's maybe the result of a worrying but in the end rewarding pairing. Not so much a demon-enslaved lightning-throwing sorcerer. After doing some quick online digging, however, I find to my shame that a kalunga, or calunga, is a Brazilian descendant of runaway slaves. The word can mean many things, and is oddly enough used both as a derogatory racial label and as a byword for someone who is famous or important. Go figure. Charles Saunders is African-American, and I wonder if the link here is merely coincidence or some interesting subtext.

Oh, right, the movie. So anyway the amazons need to quite obviously find a magic sword since it's the only thing that can stand up to Kalungo's evil magic. Two amazon babes are sent on the quest, and it's hilariously wonderful. It's great fun to watch people use prop weapons they've never handled before. Especially when they haven't been given much supplementary training. You're basically given a bunch of calendar models who drill practice their spear maneuvers with 'What if I really hurt someone?' hesitance. A real winner's attitude on the mock-battlefield. Sword duels can sometimes look half-decent, but largely possess a 'What am I doing?' grace that lends the whole production metric ass-loads of charm.

So: A fantastic watch with friends. Can't get enough of this stuff.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #72: Dracula (1931)

2010-10-14T10:13:00.007-04:00

Since it's the season for witchery and other assorted evil delights, I decided to check out the Dracula Legacy Collection, which collects the classic Dracula films done by Universal Studios, the set of films that laid out the iconography of the vampire. Empty castles, long candles, winding staircases, cobwebs, capes, heavy accents. All the campy Count Dracula signifiers we now pick up from saturday morning cartoons came from that first Bela Lugosi hit.

And it's cool. It has some really memorable moments - great lines, great visuals, and some pretty engrossing scenes; my favourite being a scene where an aged Dr. Vanhelsing is visited by Dracula and told to leave. Their battle of wills is timeless, and most of it comes through in their almost archetypal posturing, a posturing that has the ring of the silent film era.

Since Hollywood really started flexing their sound film muscle in 1927 (The Jazz Singer being among a host of big '27 releases), in 1931 'talkies' were still a new art. Dracula director Tod Browning, also of Freaks fame, was pretty uneasy with sound and was one of those silent directors that kind of petered out after sound came into the picture. He had thrown in the towel by 1936.

His Dracula seems to forget that it's a sound film at times. I say his, but allegedly Browning's set presence was at near zero and most of the directing was done by the cinematographer, which might also account for the persistence of silent image over sound in the film. There are long stretches of dialogueless silence, and an insistence on capturing strong facial expression and holding the shot for emphasis. The make-up work is pure silent film, with its heavy whites and dark lips. Also, apart from the brief and orchestral 'come out to the movies' style opening credits sequence, there's no soundtrack. Not one shred, not a hot lick of music to be found in this film. While it gives the film the sensation I imagine the fish that chokingly set a first flipper on land had, it's a strangeness that works. It creates pools of tension and atmosphere that might have been ruined otherwise with unnecessary dialogue or the emotional imposition that music carries.

So: A classic treat and a fascinating look at a silent film probing into the world of sound.

Maggie 2010: Nostalgia Lane

2010-10-13T14:31:00.014-04:00

#112. Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence

This film holds such a dear place in my heart that I can't offer up a standard review of it. In fact, this was the film that awakened me to the special role of alternative video stores, and changed forever my perspective of popular canon -- specifically, all the works that the mainstream can and does so easily cast aside.

In my childhood I must have watched The Bridge on the River Kwai dozens of times, and to this day it remains a classic, a top twenty pick and perfect distillation of the "noble war" mentality taken to its inevitable precipice, then destroyed. Despite my age, it was clear this film represented one of the most important lessons learned (and often thereafter forgotten) in the last century.

Then, when I was thirteen, friends and I went to Suspect Video in Toronto to stock up for the first of our soon-to-be annual anime marathons. I'd never been in a video store like this before -- darkly lit, its titles ordered alphabetically in long bins like you'd find in record stores, to be flipped through one by one with no means of expecting what manner of film might come next.

It was in one of these bins that I encountered Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, which due to my love of The Bridge on the River Kwai immediately piqued my interest. One of the things my friends and I found so wonderful about the anime we'd been watching was the wealth of queer representations -- explicit or implicit -- between leads therein, but to come across a film with all the gravitas of The Bridge on the River Kwai, which also boasted such dignified alternative representations, almost defied comprehension.

To watch the film itself was not to overcome that sense of incredulity -- not then, and not even now, on second viewing, after more than a decade has passed. This is because, while dealing in similar measure as The Bridge on the River Kwai with questions of pride and shame among soldiers of different cultures in World War II, Nagisa Oshima's 1983 film goes one further: featuring David Bowie as the enigmatic POW Jack Celliers and Tom Conti as Sgt. John Lawrence, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence also offers a poignant and brutal reminder that other human conflicts do not subside simply because one is at war.

Homophobia, for instance, doesn't fade into the background; nor does the abject cruelty of our past and foolish selves dissipate from the mind's ever-present eye. Rather, we always carry the complications of our lives at peace into the tempest of war, and only with immense inner clarity can we then use these experiences of the former to mitigate our actions, and reactions, in the latter.

So it is in this story of a POW camp run by Colonel Yonoi (Ryuichi Sakamoto), where Sgt. Lawrence's past experiences in peace-time Japan make him the perfect cultural liaison between prisoners and guards, but by no means spare him from the whims of camp officers like Sgt. Gengo Hara (Takeshi Kitano). At the outset of this film the question of homophobia comes immediately to bear on day-to-day camp operations, and provides a lens through which to view events that follow when Celliers is brought to the prison under Yonoi's behest. Because of the era of this film's construction, director Oshima is able to play more surely with flashback than could sensibly be conceived in 1957, the year of The Bridge on the River Kwai, yet that sentimentalism doesn't detract from the horror of its surrounding context.

Indeed, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence remains, in the end, an immensely formal piece about a war where attempts at preserving formality existed in stark contrast with the complexity and messiness of human interactions. For this reason, as with The Bridge on the River Kwai, it was easily one of my favourite films growing up, and remains a fond preference even today.

Yet when I watched this film as a wee adolescent, it was not well known. It was not even considerably acclaimed. Years later, when IMDB began to flourish, the film still managed only a paltry rating that further exacerbated its outsider status. People to whom I recommended the film were skeptical; and even if they wanted to see for themselves, how could they? Except in alternative video stores, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence had all but slipped from the prominent lists of worthwhile film. And not everyone, sadly, had loosed themselves from the shackles of big-name video and theatre franchises.

This year, at long last, I watched Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence take its rightful place in the Criterion Collection, and for this boost to its profile I couldn't be more thrilled. But I will never forget that, long before this change in favour occurred, alternative video stores always carried its torch -- just as they carry the torch for so many other forgotten or neglected works of quality cinema, each quietly awaiting some new and bright-eyed viewer to pluck it from its shelf and give it life again.

New to the Store: Week of 12 October

2010-10-12T13:54:00.003-04:00

NEW RELEASES

Arn: The Knight Templar
Daniel & Ana
Delgo (also BluRay)
Demeking: Sea Monster, The
Doghouse
Dollhouse: Season 2
In Treatment: Season 2
Jonah Hex (also BluRay)
Kimjongilia
Kung Fu Master (2010)
Leaves of Grass
Psycho Shark (Jaws in Japan)
Rapt
S&man (Sandman)
Splice (also BluRay)
Trotsky, The
White on Rice

NEW ARRIVALS

Black Dolemite: The Best of Rudy Ray Moore Live
Caligula II: Messalina, Messalina
Darjeeling Limited, The (also BluRay)
He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special
Magician, The (also BluRay)
Man who Was Sherlock Holmes, The
Newsroom, The: Season 2
One-Armed Executioner / They Call her Cleopatra Wong
Opus 'n Bill in A Wish for Wings That Work
Sodoma's Ghost
Wolverine and the X-Men: Season 1

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #71: Che: Part Two (2008)

2010-10-08T03:52:00.004-04:00

I resume my journey into the biopic'd life of El Che!

Che: Part Two has a different flavour than Part One. Where Part One uses broken narrative, Part Two is linear and straight-forward. Since Che's character has been established already, it pulls few obvious cinematic punches and focuses simply, and still satisfyingly, on Che and his comrades' struggles against a hostile Bolivian government and its impossibly isolated and un-revolutionary populace.

While I detected a Soderberghian flatness in the first part, Part Two feels a bit more intimate now that the frenetic narrative style has calmed down. It's just as well shot, though there is admittedly less in terms of captivating imagery, thanks to the constantly dense, dry bracken of the Bolivian forests. It is, like Part One, engrossing and unique in its tone and sensibility. Despite knowing my history enough to know what would happen by the end of the film, the finish is perfect, and I suspect that it will stay with me for a long time.

So: It's a moving look at the way ideals don't always work out, and the very man that has come to represent that problem.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #70: Pusher III: I'm The Angel of Death (2005)

2010-10-07T16:58:00.006-04:00

The final film in the Pusher trilogy. This time we focus on Milo, the Copenhagen drug lord from the first two films. Milo, a Croatian immigrant, was seen up until now only as a looming power - friendly at first, fond of cooking and prone to culinary disasters, and vicious when crossed. By Pusher III, he is older, addicted to what he pushes, and is losing dealing ground to a new generation of would-be drug runners.

In Pusher III we get the greatest sense of desperation and waste. The amount of care you might find you have for Milo is surprising. You really want his addicts anonymous meetings to go well for him. You really want his daughter to appreciate him. You really want him to work himself out, and, most surprisingly, you really want him to kill his enemies. All this for a man that does some awful things, and makes his living on the suffering of others. That takes some pretty tactful filmmaking.

Issues of race and nationality are raised in this film much more than in the previous two films. We're given a host of immigrants trying to carve a tenuous life in the underworld of Copenhagen. Unfortunately for Milo, that means his turf. The new generation of pushers are all racially divided expats, the most threatening being a young Arab, and a rival Serbian group that attempts a passive aggressive (for the most part) takeover in a moment of weakness. Milo, being Croatian, doesn't handle this well. Or perhaps he does.

So: Same great character, dialogue, and cinematography. A great finish to a great trilogy.

Maggie 2010: The Horror Fest Continues!

2010-10-07T11:03:00.006-04:00

A note before these next six reviews: I have no qualms plunking down a whole TV season under a single review, because episodes therein are deeply connected. However, though this collection of six films rents as one set on three discs, these next six entries -- while wonderfully enhanced by one another -- are full-length films that can absolutely stand on their own. And since I highly doubt most people will have the excuse I had (being sick for a couple days), I also suspect most won't be able to get through all six in one go. So here's a set of independent film reviews, posted in the order I watched the set, to help you prioritize your viewing!

#106. Six Films To Keep You Awake: A Real Friend

Children are a perfect focus for horror, for they more than any other age group believe in the fluidity of worlds, the power of make-believe. For little Estrella (Nerea Inchausti) especially, the world of horror movie monsters has shored her up against loneliness: in her interactions with mummies, vampires, and chainsaw murderers (which walk a line between real and imaginary that viewers are regularly challenged to reassess) we see a fearless spirit in a tough world -- without friends, without father, but getting along just fine nonetheless.

The real thrill of this film, however, comes from the story of what happens when Estrella, who sees no difference between make-believe and reality, befriends a monster viewers soon discover is real--her father, out of prison, and attempting to regain his family by force. As terrified mother, Angela (Goya Toledo), tries to protect her fearless daughter from the dangers of reality, viewers are propelled through a well-defined tension between strength and weakness, naivete and knowledge. The twist ending is to some extent inevitable -- playful, over-the-top, and crudely satisfying -- but it is this core concept of vulnerability that director Enrique Urbizu captures best in his narrative build-up on screen.

#107. Six Films To Keep You Awake: A Christmas Tale

From a place of vulnerability, viewers are treated with the flip-side of childhood: cruelty beyond easy comprehension. When a ragtag group of Goonies-esque marauders discover a woman (Maru Valdivielso) in a Santa Claus outfit trapped at the bottom of a deep hole in the forest, their initial desire to help her is stayed by the discovery that she's wanted by the police for robbery.

Certainly the capacity of adults to dismiss children out of hand is a key point in this film by Paco Plaza, but more severely in focus is the callous, black-and-white view of right and wrong little children can just as easily espouse. Believing that this woman's criminal status justifies any violence or neglect they impose upon her, they hold her captive, starving her while demanding to know where the money is and threatening to let her die if she won't tell them. Long tracts of this film involve watching this woman suffer at the hands of her little tormentors: as with all the strongest works in this collection, this film's use of the supernatural is a very light, ambiguous touch arrived at only when the monstrosity of humankind has run its course.

#108. Six Films To Keep You Awake: Blame

The art of misdirection is alive and well in Spanish horror, as in Blame the supernatural again takes a back seat for most of the ride. When young nurse Gloria (Montse Mostaza) and her daughter, Vicky (Alejandro Lorenzo), are invited by Dr. Ana Torres (Nieve de Madina) to move into the doctor's old, sprawling, and mysterious home, human monsters are initially set up as the centre of this tale. As Gloria learns of Dr. Ana's immense loneliness, clearly tempered in the past by taking in other young women like herself, viewers are left to question what happened to these women in the end; and if the mysterious knocking at an unaddressed door in the house has anything to do with their sudden departures.

It's these surprising twists and turns, occurring on a much deeper level than one expects from a horror film, that make Blame one of my favourite pieces in this collection: while some viewers might not enjoy the absence of a direct progression to the main story, a tale of illicit abortions and murderous fetuses, to me there is a definite realism to this kind of drifting from perceived threats to actual threats. I take issue with a couple scenes that seem flimsy and excessive, but on the whole, this film by Narciso Ibáñez Serrador breaks ground rarely seen in North American horror -- and for that reason alone I have to recommend it.

#109. Six Films To Keep You Awake: Spectre / Moira's Ghost

Surprisingly, this horror collection features two stories about abortion and those who perform it, with this latter film centering on the story of a man both in his old age and naive youth. As a young man (Juan José Ballesta), a strict religious upbringing and an act of kindness only heightens Tomas' desire for the beautiful and secretive woman (Juan José Ballesta) his town despises. Tomas's story arc follows the only natural progression for one as young and narrowly driven as himself: he lusts after Moira, he pursues her, and then he gets possessive and confrontational about her adult life, the parameters of which he simply does not grasp. In his adolescent turmoil he finally makes a choice that has the most horrendous consequences for the lover who has vowed their lives are tied together now forever, and these consequences will haunt him for the rest of his life -- leading him back, as an old man (Jordi Dauder), to the village of his youth, and the wrong that went unavenged.

Again, the supernatural element in this film is a subtle touch, but also a sheer and unexpected delight. Director Mateo Gil takes this realistic piece in a direction that is truly unexpected, providing both a rich tapestry of flawed human characters and a thread of fantasy that binds them in the most fascinating weave to their ultimate fates. I would say this film is my favourite of the whole collection, for its subtlety and its depth of feeling. For gore, though? Not so much.

#110. Six Films To Keep You Awake: The Baby's Room

Finally, a horror film in this collection that's as blunt about the supernatural as anything out of Asia or North America! In The Baby's Room a happy couple tempts fate by daring to point out how perfect their life is -- a loving relationship, a beautiful baby, an old house to call their own -- and reaps the consequences. It's not so much that the house is haunted by the trauma of specific past events, as it is that a malevolent spirit stalks the halls -- and care of an introductory scene taking place years before the main events, we already know that this malevolent spirit likes to switch places with the living in order to wreak further violence in the real world.

This film by Álex de la Iglesia has all the comforting fixings of a truly terrifying ghost flick -- the baby monitors, naturally dark and discomfiting, that father Juan (Javier Gutiérrez) sees the evil spirit through; the classic masculine arrogance that leads him to avoid telling his wife, Sonia, (Leonor Watling) about future sightings when Juan's actions endanger both her and their child; the hidden rooms and ghastly murder scenes replayed within the spirit world. Yes, the ending is a bit predictable, but there is also just the right balance of stark horror and pointed commentary about human relationships leading up to this point, such that viewers are easily on tenterhooks for most of the experience. This is Paranormal Activity, made for TV -- a fun little number with a few good chills.

#111. Six Films To Keep You Awake: To Let

But if any of these six films has wanton horror-fest written all over it, To Let is it. Clara (Macarena Gómez) is just your average pregnant working wife who wants to go home and sleep after her shift, but her husband, Mario (Adrià Collado), has different designs on her time: a viewing of an apartment for let in a really creepy part of town. Again the normal tensions in any relationship, wherein one partner refuses to listen to the other's needs, has dire consequences for them both--because this particular apartment isn't run by just any landlady.

No, Portera (Nuria González) gave 30 years of her life to other people before the city condemned her building and her tenants left; since then, feeling entitled to her own share of happiness at any cost, she's been "collecting" tenants, one hundred percent against their will. In one unit is housed a chained man, a wire bound woman, and a poor baby stuck in the creepiest playpen ever. In the other... well, surprise! Mario and Clara are moving in--whether they like it or not.

There is an excess of violence in this film, making it a clear top pick in the gore department--and the story's pretty original, too, with all the desperate twists and turns one would expect of a horror flick centred on escape. One of the best parts of made for TV film is that one doesn't often see people "wasted" immediately (too many actors), so in To Let people come back when you least expect it, just to be injured more brutally than before. The ending is also deliciously depressing--a perfect note on which to end a collection of rich and diverse Spanish horror treats.

New to the Store: Week of 5 October

2010-10-06T14:00:00.001-04:00

30 Days of Night: Dark Days

All Boys

Bones: Season 5

Caprica: Season 1.0

Courageous Heart of Irena Sadler, The

Exploding Girl, The

Fade to Black

Grindhouse (BluRay)

Human Centipede, The (also BluRay)

Karate Kid (2010)

Killer Inside Me, The

Medium: Season 6

Mid-August Lunch

Nightmare on Elm Street, A (2010) (also BluRay)

Secret of Kells, The

Shut Up & Kiss Me

When Love Is Not Enough: The Lois Wilson Story

Wendy's Films of 2010 #98: Tron (1982)

2010-10-02T14:19:00.008-04:00

After a lovely country bike in the Netherlands today, I was reminded of the crazy biking skills required by Jeff Bridges and his commrades in Tron. Bridges must outrun and outsmart the computer program he has been sucked into. As lovers of The Big Lebowski might agree and as one worthy man once told me, "Jeff Bridges... he's pretty swell." To me, he is the biggest selling point of Tron and without his charisma and charm the film would probably not be as well loved as it is. There is some lingo that likely makes the film more admired by those who are familiar with programming, and less understood by others. But I would say that it was entertaining, mostly in an 80s, kitschy kind of way, but fun nevertheless.

If you liked Tron, or are interested in seeing it, keep in mind that a sequel is being made and will be released into theatres on December 17th this year (with a soundtrack by Daft Punk!)

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #69: Pusher II: With Blood On My Hands (2004)

2010-10-01T03:38:00.003-04:00

After loving Refn's first Pusher film, I was eager to continue. Pusher II did not disappoint, and if I had to make the hard choice, is probably the strongest film in the trilogy.

Mads Mikkelsen gets his chance to shine. I had first encountered him in that awful Clash of the Titans remake with Avatar-face McSoldierstein, and was greatly afraid that he sucked. I knew I was soon to see Mads in the unbeknownst-to-me-amazing Valhalla Rising, and feared the worst. So crappy move down, awesome movie up, I wondered what Pusher II would be like with him at centre stage. The answer to that is: Mads Mikkelsen is now an actor I will follow. I am enamoured by his screen presence and hope for some great films to come.

Pusher II is much like the first film in terms of its visual sense, pacing, and dialogue, but is certainly tighter in all fields. The budget is higher, the scope larger, the characters more complex. As with each film save the first, you really can't help but invest affection in the gangster characters. They are by no means nice people, but they are more human than one would expect, and they are beset by environments of poverty, violence, and abusive family dynamics, and every second is emotionally riveting.

So: If you see any of the Pusher films, see this one.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #68: The Color of Magic (2008)

2010-10-01T02:44:00.003-04:00

This mini-series, comprised of two films, is based off of the incredibly charming work of Terry Pratchett, a British writer of glib, comical fantasy novels. I had seen the Hogfather about a year ago without realizing that it was a Terry Pratchett piece, and was amazed to find that I was watching a fantasy film that wasn't shit. In fact, it was probably one of the best fantasy films I'd ever seen.

The Color of Magic doesn't achieve the same kind of gravitas that the Hogfather reaches, but offers enough to endear me to Terry Pratchett's world, and more importantly, his characters. Color follows a lovable, aged, and underachieving wizard by the name of Rincewind who's studied magic for 40 years only to find that he can't really do anything particularly magical. There's grand adventure and whatnot, as is typical of the genre. But Color will poke fun at that.

The acting is half-way decent and the comic deliveries tend to be pretty entertaining. And ladies, start your swooning, because Color stars none other than "Mr. Samwise Gamgee I was in Lord of the Rings!" Sean Astin himself! You've shit your pants with amazement, since I can smell the sickly sweet excitement from here. Technically, more starring than Sean Astin is David Jason as Rincewind. He's the voice of Count Duckula! Remember him? And Mr. Toad from the Wind in the Willows! David Jason is terribly charming despite having a first name for a last name. Oh, and you get to watch Tim Curry get his evil wizard on. Damn right.

You'll also get a fascinating world to learn about, one that's flat like a disc and sitting atop four huge celestial elephants that are in turn sitting atop a huge space turtle. The whole world is strung together by oddity and humour.

I was surprised to find some fitting and strange film homages as well. Like a scene spoofing the famous "What is best in life?" scene from Conan the Barbarian, and references to Monty Python's Holy Grail and Star Wars. The strange one comes as a visual homage to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid as the heroes dash out from a hiding place in slow motion, slinging spells like pistols in a last-ditch effort while under heavy spell-fire themselves. Where the hell did that come from? I mean I like it, but WTF, as the French say.

So: The jokes are sometimes over explained, but since it's so wildly imaginative, it never ceases to be interesting.

New to the Store: Week of 28 September

2010-09-29T12:07:00.002-04:00

NEW RELEASES

America the Beautiful
Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky
Dean Spanley
Family Guy: Partial Terms of Endearment
Frozen
Get Him to the Greek (also BluRay)
Good
Immaculate (Sans laisser des traces)
Iron Man 2 (also BluRay)
Legendary
Outback, The
Party Down: Season 2
Reel Injun
Scrubs: Season 9
Shaun the Sheep: Party Animals
Superman/Batman Apocalypse
Thorn in the Heart, The

NEW ARRIVALS

Bourdain, Anthony: No Reservations Season 5, Part 1
Breathless (BluRay)
Breeders
Dark Night of the Scarecrow
Eros Perversion
H.M.S. Pinafore
Lord Peter Wimsey Mysteries: Set 2 (Murder Must Advertise / Five Red Herrings / The Nine Tailors)
Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence (also BluRay)
Midsomer Murders: Days of Misrule
Midsomer Murders: Magician's Nephew, The
Midsomer Murders: Midsomer Life
Midsomer Murders: Talking to the Dead
Mr. Palfrey of Westminster
Not Now Darling
Porno
Return of the Five Deadly Venoms, The
Satan's Wife
Thin Red Line, The (also BluRay)

Wendy's Films of 2010 #97: Escape from New York (1981)

2010-09-29T08:25:00.005-04:00

Escape from New York is a sci-fi action film directed by John Carpenter (who has his own section in the store! It's back with the horror) The story goes that sometime in the future (1997), the US president's plane crashes into Manhattan, which is now a massive prison. The badass Kurt Russel plays convicted bank robber Snake Plissken is sent in with 24 hours to rescue the president from America's worst criminals in exchange for his freedom.

As for minor details, my memory begins to fail me, but I remember dark streets filled with garbage, a bare-chested Russel with a snake tattoo fighting to the death in a wrestling arena, Ernest Borgnine as a goofy Molotov cocktail-tossing criminal cab driver, and Issac Hays as The Duke driving up in a hydraulic car decked out with chandeliers. The visual style actually reminds me of Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight a bit. If that and the above photo aren't enough to persuade you, then perhaps this movie isn't for you.

Maggie 2010: A Lifetime's Narratives, Condensed

2010-09-25T18:04:00.004-04:00

#105. My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done?

There is a point halfway through this film, inspired by the true story of a man who stabbed his mother to death, when director Werner Herzog holds before his viewers three men in near tableau. The man on the bottom right is the murderer, Brad McCallum (Michael Shannon), in a flashback long before he barricades himself in his house with two hostages, an action demanding the full attention of Detective Hank Havenhurst (Willem Dafoe) until SWAT arrives. The man on the bottom left is Brad's Uncle Ted (Brad Dourif), who claims to have once raised the world's largest chicken and now operates a sprawling ostrich farm when Brad brings his theatre director, Lee Meyers (Udo Kier), to pick up a sword prop for a production of "Orestes," in which Brad's character slays his own mother to bring an end to a bloody line of vengeance-seekers. The third man, standing on what one character claims is the "biggest tree on the planet" (I would argue "stump"), is a dwarf in a tuxedo, who speaks no lines in this film at all.

If you have never before seen a Herzog film, I would almost urge you to start My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done? right here, in the full minute we spend just watching these three watch us back: not because the half of the film that comes before it is lacking; but because here Herzog takes a simple matter of setting his camera on three men, three arresting points against a backdrop of wilderness, and in so doing provides for his viewers a level of estrangement, of implacable restlessness, that has virtually no equal in the cinematic world. You simply cannot take in the image as a whole, and, forced to rely instead on component parts, one at a time, you quickly discover there is no one place to rest your eyes: despite their varying levels of importance to the plot, the film as a whole, no primacy exists at all between these three characters. They simply are, and they are waiting; Herzog is waiting, too; therefore so must you.

The notion of component parts comes very easily to bear on the rest of this film, intersecting as it does with so much of Herzog's preceding canon, and yet administered with such delicacy amid artifice that one can never be quite certain of intentionality. Certainly, the interaction between German theatre director and mad, disruptive actor cannot help but be seen in the light of Herzog's years with the irascible Klaus Kinski. Nor can the flashbacks set amid the mountains and rapids of Peru help but bring to mind the madness narrative of Aguirre: The Wrath of God or the futility arc of Fitzcarraldo. And of course, the very setting, the central framing of the tale around the day's work of a city detective, brings to bear all the genre-specific styling Herzog tinkered with in Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. With so much obvious reference gently laid out for his viewers, the mind begins to see signs everywhere. Is the dwarf a testament to Even Dwarfs Started Small? Is the entire premise of Brad holding so many others to the light of his madness by barricading himself in his home, his fortress, indicative of Signs of Life?

And what of all the birds? Flamingos, ostriches, talk of chickens (which Herzog famously hates); what reptiles were to Terence McDonagh in Bad Lieutenant, birds are, explicitly, as nemeses or alter egos, to Brad here. As Havenhurst deconstructs the events in Brad's life leading up to this slaying of the all-too-doting mother (Grace Zabriskie), he is aided by Lee, the theatre director, and Brad's fiancee, Ingrid (Chloe Sevigny, who looks like she walked off the set of Big Love without a wardrobe, hair, or character change), and witnesses to the murder, Miss Roberts (Loretta Devine) and Mrs. Roberts (Irma P. Hall). The stories therein told cut between past and present with Herzog's usual indifference to gradual transition, but for this abruptness he permits us to linger instead on the unexpected whenever we're thrust upon it -- a "tunnel of time ... a perfect stage for a cosmic melodrama" in the Calgary airport; a cattle market in lowlands Peru; a wide and bracing shot of Havenhurst venturing unarmed into the static cactus and pink stucco landscape of Brad's surrounded home.

Havenhurst's partner, an unseasoned detective named Vargas (Michael Pena), holds up only as a foil in this film, an unexploited nod to the necessities of the cop drama; but Herzog's camerawork sustains no fealty to the slick demands of the same. If Herzog wants a tableau, say, he won't take the easy shortcut of snapping a still, but instead ask his actors to be still, then capture the intimate failings of the human body's every attempt. Similarly, if he's going to zoom in on a murder, he's also not going to worry about getting the shot without minute shaking around corners of the rooms; nor is he going to play that instability to hyperbolic effect: the middle ground simply is what it is. It is "real".

But "real" is, of course, a difficult concept in any Herzog film. At times one might wonder, for instance, why characters like Ingrid and Lee permit so much from Brad for so long -- why he is gently accepted in his bewildering statements and actions, and not left without job or companion. However, in My Son, My Son... Herzog is not stingy with his moments, his glimmers, through which you can see how Brad might have been when fiancee and director first met him: the sense of humour, the intuitive flair for the dramatic arts. Moments, that is, when viewers are left room to assert their own brand of sanity, of inner calm, upon the quiet madness still and always brewing in Brad's converted mind, and from this imposition incur the same, niggling hope for natural recovery that must surely exist in fiancee and friend.

It is, in the end, this unending tension between the blatant, the abrupt, the clearly artificial, and the nuance, the subtlety, the telegraphing of intent without injuring the journey, that sustains this film and establishes its director's brand so classically and elaborately. Viewers know from very near the outset of the piece who Brad's two hostages are, and in that way are freed from a sense of tension, of dread, about outcome as they traverse Brad's richly troubled world. In My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done? the monstrous has already happened by the time the film begins; the beautiful alone remains to be revealed -- which is why, of course, Herzog's come.

Pose Reviews A Movie. #43: Zoolander (2001)

2010-09-25T16:27:00.000-04:00

Zoolander presents a deep, philosophical spelunking into the depths of one of the most important and divisive questions with which humanity will ever come to grips.

...isn't there more to life than just being really really good-looking?

Well, in Derek Zoolander's case...not really.

This classic comedy about the world-famous male model with the IQ of a hammer has aged quite well considering it's coming up on its ten-year anniversary.

The premise is indisputably unique, centering around the title character (Ben Stiller) whose critically acclaimed domination of the modeling industry is disrupted when his rival, Hansel (Owen Wilson), takes the coveted Male Model of the Year award.

It's at this point that Zoolander starts to reconsider the value of his career, making him vulnerable to the tempting advances of the evil fashion guru Mugatu (Will Ferrell), who uses Zoolander's all but absent intelligence to lure him into an assassination plot.

In the tradition of Dodgeball, Anchorman and Wedding Crashers, Zoolander sports the absurd and hilariously effective comedic delivery of comedy giants Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell. And with fantastic additions made by Jon Voight, David Duchovny and Jerry Stiller, the movie is full of the all-star heavy-hitters of Hollywood.

In much the same way that "the clothes that make the (wo)man," it's definitely Zoolander's cast that makes the film.

The concept is good, the script is good, the plot is good, but the characters are great.

Plus, Zoolander is also saturated with fantastic (and numerous!) cameo appearances, most notably David Bowie as the Right Honourable Judge of the epic walk-off between Zoolander and Hansel.

And if you're upset that I gave that away, let's be honest--don't you want to see it more now that you know there's

a) David Bowie
and
b) The necessity for a walk-off judge?

I'd definitely recommend Zoolander to fans of the aforementioned comedians who star in the film, but I'd also recommend a re-watch for anyone who hasn't seen it in awhile. Having not watched it myself since its initial release in 2001, I had forgotten a lot of the great gags, and even the ones I remembered wear quite well.

Often, what separates the goods from the greats in the comedy genre is the films' ability to endure over time. I think Zoolander admirably stands this test of time, and whether you've seen it already, or didn't surface from under your rock until its popularity had died down, I would give it a second look.

And if you don't like it? Well, I have something that will cheer you up...ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #67: Aeon Flux (Peter Chung, 1991)

2010-09-24T01:43:00.003-04:00

Peter Chung’s cerebral and post-modern animated series, not that other thing from 2005 that you and I should never speak of. That which cannot be named.

The good Aeon Flux, the animated Aeon Flux, happens to feature my favourite femme fatale: the fearless, sexy, elite assassin - you guessed it - Aeon Flux. She’s deadly, anarchic, and downright impenetrable. You’re never quite sure what she’ll do, or, once she’s done something, exactly why she’s done it. She’s a stylish renegade of abstract proportions, without border or precise definition, and fiercely individual. And that’s the nature of the series on a whole. When you add a spastic, gritty and idiosyncratic animation style to the mix, you have a pretty surreal and engrossing experience on your hands.

It’s refreshing now and again to immerse yourself in an anti-story, an anti-TV series, where you’re not so much watching a story unfold as you are watching a story deconstruct and re-apply itself in liberating ways. I get the impression that like the heroine of the series, Peter Chung lives to shake things up. I thank him.

So: A wicked piece of animation, style, and paradox. Don't try to put it all together as you watch it - you're not supposed to.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #66: Krull (1983)

2010-09-24T01:32:00.003-04:00

Read it and weep, boys.

I’d first like to thank Krull for giving the Glaive to the world. Once I find it, locked away in some (no doubt) nearby mountain, life’s going to be a whole lot more interesting. I can’t think of one life-situation where a glaive couldn’t be applied to achieve great success.

If you don’t know what the Glaive is I’d imagine you’ve never seen Krull, and I would think, furthermore, that you’d better get on that before the Slayers arrive. They’re evil and blackly armoured juggernauts that take people’s planets from them. Then they give the enslaved worlds over to their boss, who is the Beast. I don’t think you want that. If you do, you are what’s called a bad person.

The Beast will likely kidnap a princess and try to wed her, and if you, dear reader, are a prince, I’m afraid you’re going to have to do something. You’re going to have to find some British actors, band together, and find The Beast’s wonderfully surrealist fortress. Getting in and saving the day is going to be dangerous.

But at least there’s the goddamned Glaive, which is shaped like a big starfish and has retractable blades and you can throw it around and control it with your mind. And guess what! The Beast fucking HATES it.

All in all Krull is a glittering and melodramatic science-fantasy done well, which makes it a lot of fun. It might feel a bit long, but the amazing James Horner score should make up for it. And the Beast looks like the creature from the black lagoon after his black lagoon became a toxic nightmare.

So: Give Krull a try so you’ll know what to do when the Slayers come.

Pose Reviews A Movie. #42: Desperado (1995)

2010-09-22T10:00:00.000-04:00

A quick Google search of action movies that came out in 1995 will easily explain the merit of Robert Rodriguez's Desperado. That year, Rodriguez's film competed with:

-Mortal Kombat
-Judge Dredd
-Batman Forever
-Waterworld
and who could forget...
-Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie

Of course, 1995 also sported the debut of Pierce Brosnan as James Bond in Goldeneye, and the return of Bruce Willis as John McLean in Die Hard: With A Vengeance; films which, at the time seemed pretty cool, but after being rerun on television every week for the following ten years, became (to put it gently) "passé."

This, ladies and gentlemen, was the standard of action flicks at the time Desperado appeared on the proverbial scene. And, when considered within that context, it seems pretty damn good.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to watch Desperado's precursor, 1992's El Mariachi, but the updated model is pretty effective as a brainless, shoot-em-up, Benevolent Vigilante vs. Evil Drug Dealing Villains kind of blockbuster.

First, it features Antonio Banderas as one of the greatest badasses since Dirty Harry--a man whose skills in the area of bad-guy-death-killing are second only to his admirable morality in good-guy-looking-out-for. (Read it twice--it's a sentence.)

Banderas is pretty impressive in his portrayal of El Mariachi, a stealthy and cunning stranger who comes to a small Mexican town looking only for "a man who calls himself Bucho," but finding a whole lotta other people in the interim.

After all, Bucho (Joaquin de Almeida) is a man of considerable means, and our hero ends up with a lot of anonymous henchmen to plow through before he gets to him.

Throw in a romance with Salma Hayek and a wicked awesome soundtrack by Los Lobos? Well, you've got yourself a movie!

Certainly, Desperado isn't really going to make you think. But it's sure as hell fun to watch. The action sequences are awesome, and reasonably overdone for effect, and the script isn't as terrible as it usually is when you're dealing with an action movie from 1995.

And it's especially fun to watch Danny Trejo in his role as a hired gun (or...knife), now that Machete has been released. (And if you haven't yet seen Machete, watch it afterwards for some delightful homages!)

Essentially, I'd recommend this slightly formulaic, action-packed feature if you're looking to give your brain a rest, but still want to watch something that doesn't suck. If you're in the right mood, it can be a real treat.

After all, Desperado is pretty decent. You know...for 1995.

New to the Store: Week of 21 September

2010-09-21T13:05:00.001-04:00

NEW TO THE STORE

(Untitled)
30 Rock: Season 4
Batman: Under the Red Hood
Bored to Death: Season 1
Collapse (National Geographic)
Community: Season 1
Dark House
Desperate Housewives: Season 6
Experiment, The
How I Met Your Mother: Season 5
John Rabe
Lovebirds
Modern Family: Season 1
Ondine
Petals: Vagina Dialogues
Piece montee (The Wedding Cake)
Pig Hunt
Robin Hood (2010) (also BluRay)
Secret in their Eyes, The
Spartacus: Blood and Sand: Season 1
Stripped Naked
Tim and Eric: Awesome Show, Great Job!: Season 4
Year of the Carnivore

NEW ARRIVALS

Banana Peel
Come on Children
Day of the Nightmare / Scream of the Butterfly
Dying at Grace
Fatty Arbuckle: Forgotten Films
Five Evenings
Life Is a Bed of Roses
Married Couple, A
Memory: For Max, Claire, Ida and Company
Oblomov
Slave of Love, A
Warrendale
Without Witness

Maggie 2010: Horror Season, Part Deux

2010-09-20T01:18:00.004-04:00

#104. In The Mouth of Madness

I didn't even have cable as a kid, and I still remember the corn-ball quality of Nickelodeon horror films, so when I say, "Remember those corn-ball Nickelodeon horror films?" as a lead-in to this friendly chat about John Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness, you have no excuse for not getting my drift. None.

And speaking of excuses, I have none myself for watching this film alone -- a big, rookie mistake you just can't get away with after viewing other Carpenter classics, like Escape from New York (which some whippersnapper* at Gen X told me was too "old" a movie to satisfy his desire for wanton violence--hah!) and They Live. Ah, They Live. Most amazing fight to plant a pair of sunglasses on someone else's eyes ever. What was my point again? Company, yes! Get some. Seriously: you just can't watch Carpenter on your own. Believe me, I tried. The result? You'll find yourself shouting such delightfully incredulous lines as, "Are they serious?", "Is this a joke?" and "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" with nobody around to prove that Carpenter isn't in fact driving you insane.

True fact: Carpenter's films will probably drive you insane.

What makes his films so ridiculous? In a phrase, short-term memory loss. Remember where you were when the story begins? Well, that makes one of you. Just like those Nickelodeon flicks of old, Carpenter horror films seem to be written at a break-neck pace with no looking back, ever, to see if everything jives with what came before. And who really cares, anyway, when the movie just spirals further and further into outlandish twists and turns riffing on the most hackneyed plot devices ever invented? Forward, not backward! Upwards, not forward! And always turning, turning, turning towards -- ah, you get the idea.

So In the Mouth of Madness stars Sam Neill as John Trent, an insurance claims investigator commissioned to find a missing author who's "bigger than Stephen King," and whose works have a (pun alert!) "monstrous" effect on their readers. Man, I bet King wishes he'd written this script, too--but alack, no, it's Michael De Luca. And you know what? I also get Neill being down with this script. I can see him saying, "You know what, Carpenter? I fought motherf$#*ing dinosaurs two years ago. Can ya beat that? Well, can ya (punk)?"

And Carpenter can. We're talking worlds pulled out of a fictional writer's behind, garish invasive species taking over human forms by infecting their minds through stories, killer old ladies, mutating hotel paintings, small town sacrificial cults--man, you name it, Carpenter vomited it out for this film.

(On a quick aside, if you're familiar with Southern Ontario, you'll also be pleasantly surprised to see notable Canadian locations like Waterloo County's own kissing bridge in West Montrose, the last covered bridge in all Ontario!, feature prominently in this film. Who knew horror could be so cozy and familiar!)

If you are now of the opinion that I'm against this film, TIME FOR THE TWIST! I'm not. Really! Honest and for realz! Because, let's face it: every now and then we all need films so absurd we can put them on as guaranteed conversation starters--especially at parties, but especially on first dates. Can you just picture it? "Gee, honey, this movie seems pretty crazy, but it's too late to go back to Gen X for another one. Anything else we could do to pass the time?" You just can't go wrong. Really, you can't: not when Carpenter already corners the market on "disaster on celluloid." Unexpectedly addictive disaster on celluloid.

*Yes, I'm aware I wasn't even *born* when Escape from New York came out, but when customers *think* I was around when it hit theatres, I get to be just as cantankerously indignant about "youth these days!"

Maggie 2010: Horror Season Begins!

2010-09-20T01:03:00.003-04:00

#103. The Mothman Prophecies

Every now and then a mainstream horror film will tackle grief in a coherent, thought-provoking manner. The film will use grief not as a throw-away lead-in to wanton, senseless violence, but as a means of deconstructing the horror genre as a whole.

To my great surprise, The Mothman Prophecies was such a film. Starring Richard Gere and Laura Linney, and directed by Mark Pellington (whose CV hardly champions him for the genre), I didn't expect this based-on-"true"-events number about supernatural sightings in small-town America to leave any impression on me at all.

Take, for instance, the blatant telegraphing in the opening act -- Gere's character, John Klein, building a future with his lovely wife on the back of a newly-acquired home, only to have a car accident shatter all their dreams, and leave him with a mystery viewers just know will play a central role in events thereafter. Pretty standard stuff, as far as horror/thrillers go, establishing the film's imagery and forging a sympathetic bond between viewer and protagonist.

Nonetheless, The Mothman Prophecies executes this convention well, and even some pretty heavy-handed camerawork near the beginning resolves itself into intelligent scene transitions. Indeed, one of the strengths of this film is easily the level of ambiguity it allows to exist in the details -- even if the conventionality of the form requires the ending to be more blatant, pat, and absolute than viewers might prefer.

But the real strength of the film comes from the director's understanding of why grief works so well as a foundation for horror. In John Klein we see a man who has lost everything that matters--or so he thinks. The events of this film will teach him what remains--and in that remainder, what else can still be lost. Far from being ham-fisted, this message is conveyed gradually, respectfully, and with some interesting twists and turns along the way. Whatever the supernatural agent in The Mothman Prophecies is, whatever greater power it draws upon, in the end the real agency always lies with the humans, not the monsters: the choices we make, and what we can or cannot bring ourselves to take from tragedy, when it strikes.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #95 and #96: Shogun Assassin (1980) and Ninja Assassin (2009)

2010-09-19T16:03:00.007-04:00

For some reason the picturesque Côte d'Azur reminds me of Asian assassins.

I'm not really sure why, but today I found myself pondering the qualities of films about martial arts and assassins and wondering how much these two actually had in common. At first I was quick to think they were very different, but it seems that all good martial arts heros are out to get revenge. Now this revenge is not to be wasted on just anyone, but it's a special kind of hate reserved specifically for their former management/commanders/employers. This hate is often based on the senseless and tragic murder of a beloved female. For the Shogun it was his wife, for Raizo it was his potential future lady friend. This revenge is exacting, ruthless and satisfying. Usually with a lot of bloody mayhem. It is always entertaining.

This entertainment is especially pronounced when I've spent the day wandering around beautiful medieval towns like Eze and looking out onto the stunning blue Mediterranean water. On these days I most enjoy pondering the excellent qualities of carnage and slaughter. Shogun Assassin's style is particularly humorous as it takes the first two films in the Lone Wolf and Cub (the first of which I previously reviewed here) series and cuts it down to one film, highlighting fight scenes, angry man faces, and boobs. I would give this film several thumbs up if I had more than two. Not only is it a gratifying and farcical, but it pretty much emanates the best aspects of words like "awesome" and "suberb." Ninja Assassin also contains a lot of excellent entertainment, particularly on the slaughter side. It's done beautifully, with plenty of blood and lots of neat weapons. I'd say it's not as good as Shogun Assassin (which I definitely recommend) but it's a film I thought was pretty fantastical and worth your while if you like to be entertained with death and martial arts. Perhaps the quality of these two films is what drew me toward them while admiring the beauty of Southern France, I'm not sure, but Monaco is supposed to be pretty nice.

p.s. I just reread my Lone Wolf review and noticed that on the 29th of May I wrote "It's the first in a 6-part series, 7 if you include Shogun Assassin (which I'll hopefully write a review for soon.)" I would like to note that "soon" apparently means "almost 4 months." I apologize for potentially misleading hopeful readers and will try to be more productive in the future.

Wendy's Films of 2010 #94: Shaft (1971)

2010-09-18T18:30:00.002-04:00

So I was in Cannes the other day, thinking, "Hmm, I haven't written a post for GenX in over a month, perhaps I should get on that." Then I strolled casually down the beach whilst pondering my thoughts on Shaft and admiring the yachts simultaneously, as I often do in France. Shaft had long been on my list of films to see; I'd caught the beginning credits before and admired their fantasticity, so seeing the rest was clearly inevitable. In this film, private detective Shaft must fight evil for the bettering of mankind, or does he? Is retrieving the kidnapped daughter of a mob boss a good thing? I suppose it is, since Bumpy's innocent daughter didn't do anything wrong. But what message does it send to other mobsters? That their actions can continue because Shaft, the defeater of evils, will rescue them from potential harm? These are questions that you might want to ponder while watching this film, which happens to be filled with awesome quotes. Like when Willy says, "That's some cold shit, throwing my man Leroy out the window. Just picked my man up and threw him out the Goddamn window." Or when Sergeant Tom Hannon asks, "Hey, where the hell are you going, Shaft?" and Shaft replies, "To get laid, where the hell are you going?" Moments like these pollute the film with their delicious stench, adding to its putrid awesomeness. Perhaps you should watch it.

Who's the black private dick...
that's a sex machine to all the chicks?

SHAFT!

Ya damn right.

Maggie 2010: A Scholar Reviled

2010-09-18T11:19:00.004-04:00

#102. American Radical: The Trials of Norman Finkelstein

"Believe me: sometimes I wonder whether it's worth it. ... Speaking as a devout atheist, thank God that in His almighty wisdom He made us mortal. We don't have to endure this for all eternity."

Free speech is one of the most difficult concepts to apply in a democratic society -- and also one of the most important. For Norman Finkelstein, son of Holocaust survivors and active critic of Israel for its treatment of the Palestinian people, free speech lies at the centre of his life's work. Critics think him a self-hating Jew, or no Jew at all, for condemning the actions of the Israeli government and also the use of the Holocaust as a "trump card" forever protecting the Israeli state from accusations of tyranny and oppression all its own. For the controversy stirred up by his books, he has lost his professorship twice and faces hate mail demanding eviction from his home. But is he entirely without fault? Do individual vendettas and rhetoric as high-handed as that which he rails against in the scholarly world make him in some ways personally responsible for the professional setbacks and criticisms he's incurred?

These are the questions asked by American Radical, which I watched after reviewing comments for and against the piece on IMDB. To create a documentary about any controversial figure is always to fail in the minds of certain viewers -- either by not criticizing the figure enough, criticizing him too much, or daring to create a film about the figure in question at all. But I was pleasantly surprised to find in Ridgen and Rossier's documentary an even-handed portrait of a human being, warts and all, whose works are gratefully received by some and reviled by others.

If the film can be said to have any failings, they would include those questions that the directors could do no more than note, including the matter of authority, and of responsibility. In the former case, as critics point out that Finkelstein's fame arises from the fact that he's a "Jew criticizing Israel," and insist that if he weren't Jewish he'd be called out for anti-Semitism in a heartbeat, I'm both inclined to concur and also to sympathize less with that counterargument for being made at all. One rabbi in the film says that it's all right to criticize Israeli (just not as Finkelstein does), but we're never given a sense of just what this "appropriate" criticism might look like. However, far from being a failing of this film, I'm given to suspect it's not a question that can be explored without the film becoming more than a simple biopic; indeed, without the film addressing Israel-Palestinian politics as a whole.

Then there's that second matter, of responsibility: According to critics among university students, as observed around his Canadian lecture tour, Finkelstein's words are dangerous because they give strength, however unintentionally, to explicit anti-Semites, including members of the KKK and Middle Eastern terrorists. The documentary never pushes the question of whether or not a person should self-censor to protect their words from being exploited by others, and again the question seems beyond the reach of a straightforward documentary.

On a personal note, I remember Finkelstein's famed visit to the University of Waterloo, depicted in this documentary at some length, and with it the heated community response that plagued his lecture in full. What I didn't know -- what I couldn't have known -- were Finkelstein's words to his driver after, when criticized for giving time to questions that would undoubtedly drown out Finkelstein's own message in the next day's newspaper articles. American Radical filled in that blank:

"I think it's a question of priorities. I spoke for two hours, and people showed an enormous amount of tolerance in letting me speak for two hours, and therefore I have an obligation to let people have their say. You know, I'm saying things which deeply upset many people in the audience; if they control themselves for two hours, and show me their respect, then I have an obligation to let them let out their feelings and thoughts."

This, I thought, was a beautiful observation, and one that deserves to exist above and beyond the particular politics of American Radical. To give time to an idea with which you do not agree; and which you in fact find deeply offensive, is one of the most difficult acts of civility any human being can manage. Yet even to strive for it is to see the best side of democracy in action. For this reason I think there's a little something for everyone in watching American Radical; and I know I at least came away from it only wanting to challenge my convictions even more.

Maggie 2010: A Little Too... Precious

2010-09-17T10:31:00.001-04:00

#101. Precious

Lest I be accused of hating films with "happy" endings, let me first come out explicitly asserting that, yes! I do in fact like films with happy endings. And no, I'm not just talking about the kind where a beautiful woman takes a well-deserved cryo-nap after kicking some serious alien butt. When a happy ending is earned in any genre setting, it's a beautiful thing. It's George Bailey gathering Zuzu in his arms and watching Clarence's bell ring amid New Year's caroling. It's the Tramp too speechless with love to do anything but gaze upon the woman his hard-won charity has spared from blindness, and having her identify him by the gentlest touch. Among more recent films, it's a triumphant Maori girl named Pai surviving immense prejudice to follow her dreams, or an old man touching down in the foreign land he and his late wife had so long hoped to explore. Happy endings are wonderful, especially when achieved despite tremendous losses and through unrelenting hardships; and for this reason, again, yes, I enjoy them as much I do their far bleaker, more unsettling counterparts.

However, I most emphatically draw the line at any film writer/director who thinks they can heap up suffering like so many cold pig's feet on a plate of heavy mash and then sprinkle the magic fairy dust of "BELIEF IN YOURSELF!" to wring a sense of catharsis out of their thus-fatted viewers. As you can well imagine, this is how I felt myself being used while watching Precious.

And I wanted to like Precious. I really, really did. I find the main character, an illiterate sixteen-year-old bearing a second child of incest in a household permeated by abuse, played to perfection by the young and talented Gabourey Sidibe. She really could not have done anything more to make the film a success; I just fervently wish she had a director, a producer, and a script backing her up every step of the way. Yes, to an extent director Lee Daniels was working under the constraints of the film's source material, a 1996 novel by Sapphire called Push, but that remains little excuse for the heavy-handed stylistic choices that reveal monstrous details of personal suffering for emotional effect, then conveniently push them aside whenever the reality of those details threatens the feel-good, YES-YOU-CAN, I-read-The-Secret-and-it-changed-my-life message that's supposed to make us all believers in ourselves by the time the credits roll.

The most obvious example of this is the means by which acts of violence against Precious are immediately glossed over with dream sequences (mostly of Precious-as-celebrity blowing kisses at many admirers). This technique is used a handful of times throughout the film -- when her mother throws objects at her head, when Precious is shoved by punks, when she's giving birth, when she's being raped by her father -- and each and every time it's telling viewers something we already know: that Precious wishes she were anywhere else but then, and there, and in that skin. Well, duh.

The problem with this directorial choice is that it takes the act of empathy out of our hands. Instead of being able to bear witness to Precious' immediate, real-world discomfort or outright suffering, and in the process evaluate her experiences in contrast to our own, we are forced to focus instead on the persistent dreaming that seems to emphasize how she in particular is deserving of escape. In consequence, the audience is not given time to personalize its exposure to Precious' suffering, and Sidibe is similarly denied a crucial opportunity to let her truly striking portrayal of Precious convey those emotional truths all on its own.

Perhaps I wouldn't be so hard on this film if it weren't built on so sensational a groundwork, but as it is Precious packs some pretty heavy subject matter, from incest and rape to physical and verbal abuse, to the transmission of HIV, to basic child neglect, and hunger, and poverty. Yet for all that these issues are foregrounded and indeed blatantly attested to in narrative and dialogue throughout the film, none of them are addressed with the rigour and consistency they deserve.

The most absurd example of this arises when Precious tells a social worker (Maria Carey) she's been raped by her father: oddly enough, no mention is even made of a police report being filed pursuant to that conversation. Thelma and Louise may have questioned the use if calling the police in their rape case (and subsequent manslaughter), but social workers have a duty to report. Another conveniently underdeveloped thread is the question of future romance: Lenny Kravitz, playing a benevolent nurse in the maternity ward after Precious gives birth, is the only clue the audience gets as to how Precious will interact with men from here on out, and even he skedaddles before the HIV matter pops up, a debilitating can of worms all its own.

In fact, one would do well to ask "Where are all the men?" when watching this film. Even the impassioned alternative school teacher, Ms. Rain (Paula Patton), who opens her doors to Precious for Christmas, is conveniently in a lesbian relationship -- a mainstream presentation I'd usually be celebrating, except that here it feels suspiciously like another means by which to avoid having Precious interact with other men in her new life. All Precious' new classmates are female, too, as if boys never need alternative, rudimentary schooling in author Sapphire's world. Precious never even so much as re-evaluates her initial daydream of a life with her math teacher, a male, in her new, post-literacy world.

Indeed, so far as this film is concerned, Precious has essentially waltzed into a fiercely protective women's commune, and that whole other sex, with all their raping and familial abandonment, is of no great import when resolving the film's own crisis points. Confronting the abusive mother is central to this film's conclusion, yes! But when Precious learns how permanently her father's out of the picture, where is even a moment's struggle with the notion of never being able to confront him for what he's done?

Obviously the notion of descending into a community of nurturing women to escape one's traumatic past is a common one: it's at the heart of such films as The Secret Life of Bees, The Joy Luck Club, Fried Green Tomatoes, and The Color Purple (also all novel adaptions).

But ultimately, it's this director's heavy-handed stylistic devices, which so often and so annoyingly supplant an excellent performance from Sidibe, that makes Precious nearly intolerable while the aforementioned others all bear their own strengths (with The Color Purple in particular winning my endorsement over this film, for its integration of men in the protagonist's quest for resolution). So by all means, watch Precious for Sidibe's acting, which amply deserved the 2009 Oscar nom for Best Actress, but don't hold your breath waiting for an ending that's both optimistic and earned. You won't find one here.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #65: Highlander: The Source (2007)

2010-09-17T03:57:00.006-04:00

No. Just no.

Now, I love Highlander. I love the concept. I love swords, I love immortals. What I don’t love are films that are made with an ethos something like HEY MAN REMEMBER THAT MOVIE WE LOVED WHEN WE WERE YOUNG LET’S DO ANOTHER ONE BUT MAKE SURE THAT EVERYBODY ON THE PROJECT IS A HACK AND A DUKE OF MEDIOCRITY.

I’m sorry fans, but it shines from every facet with a stupefying lack of talent. And most glaring is the writing.

So: the world has ended for some unexplained reason. Civilisation has crumbled and there’s this thing called The Source. Duncan Macleod and his pals decide to look for it after all the planets in our milky-way galaxy suddenly align. But there’s a problem – The Source is guarded by a fucking Looney-tunes character.

It turns out that the “Guardian” of the nexus of the galaxy is a goof in S&M gear. He gets his fun by killing and by shouting hello really loudly after he sneaks up on someone, or sometimes when he just sees someone. Like when Joe smacks into him with a truck. As the Guardian flies backwards through the air, the writers thought it best to have him shout HELLO JOE! like a fucking clown, arms and legs held out like he was doing a jumping-jack.

That’s cute. He’s the Guardian of the nexus of the galaxy.

I'm going to spoil it for you, so stop reading if you actually want to see this movie with friends, piss yourself laughing, and get surprised (or not surprised) by the Guardian's defeat. Here’s how Unkie Dunk beats him: Duncan Macleod of the clan Macleod runs so quickly around the Guardian that he is actually drilled into the ground and is trapped. Before he explodes for some reason, he screams NOOO! I’M GONE FOREVER.

I’m not kidding.

But that’s not really the ending. There isn’t one, I’m afraid. And I don’t mean that in a great No Country For Old Men way. I mean that instead of actually showing the audience much of what occurs after Macleod makes his “I’m done with this immortal life of killing” choice, the film fades. And the unthinkable happens. They recap the film for about three minutes. All the major, ultra boring plot points that you don’t need or want to see ever again. A recap just for fun, as though you hadn’t been paying attention, which, in all fairness, could well be true. When that’s done, instead of seeing much of what happens we get a voiceover telling us what happens: The Source is won and now Duncan and his love have a child, since she can suddenly feel her new pregnant-ness. The Source is god and he gives people babies. We see a quick shot of Macleod and Mrs. Macleod floating naked.

So: This is the way the franchise ends, not with a bang but a recap.

Here are some things IMDB forum folk learned from Highlander: The Source:

In a decimated post-war Eastern Europe you can easily gain access to sophisticated ultra-modern communications equipment since it's protected by one security guard.
Being a 5000 year old immortal that has traveled the length and breadth of the world does not mean you can pull off wearing a leather jacket with tassels.
When planets align they will appear bigger and closer to us than Earth's own moon.
If you want a big explosion in your movie, have a guy decide to drive a post-apocalyptically valuable gas truck through a brawl and crash it.
If you want to move characters quickly onto an island, have one of them say "We need a boat," followed by a shot of them on a boat. Then show them at a pier, watching the boat move away. All this can be done in two minutes.
When a woman enters the Source her clothing changes and her hair is braided.
Three Immortals with thousands of years of battle-honed experience cannot see or hear cannibals tromping through a sparse forest until they are surrounded.
‘Lawlessness’ means the cops show up just in time to witness a stabbing and begin pursuit.
Although they have firearms and motorcycles, cannibals prefer to chase people around on foot and horseback with wrenches and knives. It is more satisfying.
Queen doesn't sound good when ‘updated’ as generic hard rock.